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What is self contempt?

Posted by laurenbacall , 08 October 2013 · 217 views

I just got some great insight that will help my healing and others. There is one component that I do not hear a lot about as far as healing and it is called self-contempt. The is self-directed anger at ones self for experiencing pleasure during SA, due to how the body is made with nerves. This self contempt takes the form of SI, Eating Disorders, hating or disliking ones body, Being hard or critical of ones self or being ones own worst enemy and self esteem issues etc... Self-contempt deadens shame and longing and makes the person feel in control and not powerless. The counterfeit for conviction over sin is contempt. The answer is to fall on the grace of God.
Instead of dealing with shame and sorrow/sadness regarding the sexual pleasure, rage is directed at ones own self to feel in control. Self contempt examples, I hate myself, I am such a whore, I am so stupid etc. "Someone must be punished, so we punish ourselves"  However, I have found that holding on to contempt does not allow me to deal with any of the underlining emotions! This makes my mission impossible! :(
The first step is awareness of the self contempt. The SA book and workbook that mentions this is called The Wounded Heart: Hope for victims of childhood sexual abuse By Dr Dan B. Allender)))))))))))))

Special Note: As I began reading the book and learning about self contempt, I had bad dreams, nightmares, and visions on day one. As usual, no pain, no gain. Darn it!



I've read that book and he covered most accurately the endless effects of soul damage than any other book I've read on the subject...self-contempt for ourselves and contempt for others, our distrust of people, the assumption ppl are out to hurt us, ect. Self-contempt compensating for ambivalence and powerlessness. Someone must be punished, so we punish ourselves. Yes, I've read that book a couple of times over. I've never understood myself better. Thanks for bringing that to the table.
-Grey
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laurenbacall
Oct 09 2013 11:37 AM
You are very welcome Grey. I am so happy :rolleyes:/> to know that someone else agrees with my enthusiasm about this book. It is wonderful and he has gone where few have gone.
I like how you said, "Someone must be punished, so we punish ourselves" That is exactly how self contempt goes. I am for sure renouncing this "poison". I have beat myself up for long enough.
I do believe that if a person is not aware of self contempt, he or she can just go around in circles for years. For example, a person can work on SI or Eating Disorder and not deal with what is the root cause of the SI or Eating Disorder-self contempt. Hope this makes sense. I posted this because I know many of us survivors are dealing with self contempt.

Have a great day!
Glad you like the book as much as I do. I will be referring to it again and again.
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laurenbacall
Oct 09 2013 11:42 AM
Grey have you read, Resurrection After Rape: A Guide to Transforming from Victim to Survivor By Matt Atkinson. I have not worked through this book but the author does a brilliant job with how to extract the SA pain or grief. He does such a good job that readers have been known to throw the book at the wall and even hate it. Then the next day or so they love it and embrace it again. lol

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