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the above link contains one of my favorite music videos. it also features one of my favorite artists, boards of cananda. lovely stuff right there.
today was an awesome day. i took a bus trip the career center for orientation this afternoon. throughout the presentation of the services offered, i almost started crying tears of joy after hearing more about the program because its exactly what i need to return to the working world. after the career counselor gave us a detailed explanation of the types of services they offer, i met with her to talk about what i would like to participate in specifically.
the career counselor was super rad and signed me up for a ten day intensive job readiness program that they offer specifically to women in transition. i explained to her what my needs are: finding a stable, long-term, and SAFE place to work. the counselor told me that she could help me make that possible for myself. after i am finished with the readiness program, i will go into a two year program where i work with the agency so that i can return to school and finally finish my BFA. after i am done with the year or so that i have left in my studies, i will be applying to law school. while i wait for my long-term goals to be achieved, i will be assisted by a job placement specialist at the agency to help line me up with a job that is compatible with what i am looking for.
i made a point to tell the career counselor that i no longer have it in me to work in customer service. i have a lot of library work experience and i am interested in possibly working for the library system here in the city i live in. other than that, i will get a better idea of the type of work that i want after going through the readiness program because we will be spending that time taking career assessment tests and working one on one with a career counselor to point me in the best direction.
so finally, i will be back to work and it will be AWESOME!!!!! not only that, but i will also be able to add another layer to the support system i have been cultivating. one of the difficult things about living with PTSD is that it causes you to sometimes feel as if you don't have a future. now, with all the buddhist study that i have been doing for the past decade or so, i've learned that the future is kind of a silly thing to get wrapped up in. however, there is a difference. the teachings re-frame the mind to be in the present moment. however, the present moment always has a meta connection to the past and the future. the teachings as i understand them encourage you not to LIVE in the past or the future, so its more about making the most of my present!
with that being said, i have already picked out a couple of law school programs that i want to apply to after i take the LSAT. i am a pretty determined person, so i am confident that i will be able to get into the schools that i want to study at. i am very excited about what i am about to embark upon and its great because the readiness program starts in early January. this means that once michael is done with his semester, that i will be able to spend at least half of december visiting with family and friends from my hometown.
after breaking some things down in the forums about my frustrations with where i am at with sex, i had a breakthrough. i am seeking to investigate the concept of intimacy. i am super excited to read up on the subject tonight and study for the placement tests that i will need to complete by the end of the year for the education training program at the agency.
today is good. sometimes i have really shitty days and i forget about all the good ones. i am going to try to make a point to re-examine wonderful days such as this and see if it helps change how i feel when things arent so great.