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Today 7/12/12

Posted by Scars2009 , 12 July 2012 · 25 views

I feel so lost. like i have nothing left in me anymore. no one sees the pain i am in, no once cares that i cry myself to sleep every night. I hate my life. this August will make it 4 years that I have been a survivor and now that the day is coming closer I dont know why but I get scared I start to relive that day. the nightmares get stronger than ever.

but what also is hard dealing with a family that hates you. living in a home knowing they dont want you their. being told every night dont bother coming back or get the hell out when I have done nothing wrong. A ball of fire burning in my throat as i fight back the tears. before i moved in here it wasnt any better it dont matter if i live with my dad or my mom my life will be hell if only i could afford to live on my own.....

I just want to die sometimes but i know that is only a cowards way out. and i will never do that to my family i have done see what it has done to my sister and others from my mother trying and almost succeeding in trying to kill her self did to this family and what it did to me i could not eat or sleep for weeks. I was like a walking zombie.

when i think about the past 18 years of my life I see that I have went through so much that no child should ever have to.
I just wish and hope one day my life gets better. That maybe just maybe a man could love me for me and get past my flaws and take care of me and except me as i am broken and hurt from the stuff i have been through.....

Wow, I feel like this a lot. It is a feeling that one should NEVER feel because it is unfair and not right. I hope you pull through this and I always look forward until the day I can financially support myself and live on my own. Usually, that is what keeps my head up at times. You will not feel like this forever, but unfortunately, I think many survivors have to go through the emotions and cry it out. Otherwise, everything would just pile in and then you will really blow up.

Here if you ever need anything <3
Hope you are feeling better today.

August 2015

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