Afraid to post?

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Afraid to post? For yourself or for others

#1 Guest_tkb_*

Group: Guests

Posted 11 January 2002 - 11:15 AM

Good idea Aoife!

I am still nervous about posting and responding sometimes!

It's not because of general nervousness anymore; I reckon that is all gone.

It is about self-esteem: Do I deserve to post? Will people hate me? Did I offend? Have I said some simultaneously unknowable yet incorrect and hurtful thing? Do people here secretly dislike me?

etc. etc. You get the picture.

So, my hesitation to respond and post is tied into my long-term shit. I know that I'm okay and worthy, but nevertheless I often struggle with really believing this.

Troy

#2 Guest__*

Group: Guests

Posted 11 January 2002 - 09:12 PM

Thank-you so much for your post Aoife. I'm pretty new here and I've only posted once and I was absolutely terrified. I feel exactly like you did when you first came. I've only just started my healing from the abuse and I often wonder if I have anything to say that other people couldn't say better, so I tend to not want to say anything at all.

On a rational level I know that everybody has something unique and special to offer, but I don't often include myself in that. Because I'm new here and noone knows me at all I get scared that I'll write something completely stupid and everyone will form a negative opinion of me because of it.

Your post was really reassuring. It's good to know that other people feel as scared of posting as I do right now.

Love
Amina

#3 Louise

Kicking arsenic

Group: Administrator
Posts: 15,507
Joined: 15-November 01

Posted 04 July 2002 - 03:38 PM

((((((((Chanpooh)))))))))

Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium!
I really encourage you to go into "My voice" and introduce yourself. Posting can be a terrifying thing for some people, but they often find it becomes easier after the first few times. You'll find some very loving and caring souls here.

I think you'll find that most people here understand what you're saying about the return of intense flashbacks and other trauma symptoms. I know for me, that just putting it out to people who I know understand makes me feel a little safer. I know it feels like shit...but perhaps the intensifying offers you an ability to heal and I hope your therapist can help you.

My truma symptoms deepend after I had one of my children, and I found out that it's common for them to feel overwhelming if you've had some sort of life change. Has something changed in your world recently? Perhaps it's the return to therapy that may be stirring things up-whatever, it's no fun, but you've come to the right place for support.

(((((hugs))))))))

Lou xxxxxx

PS I love Jazz too! Do you play?

#4 Guest__*

Group: Guests

Posted 02 November 2002 - 12:47 AM

It is hard when you feel you are alone - that nobody cares - and those who do cannot believe you. Just know, Elisa, that there are a LOT of us out there with the same pain you have - myself included. While none of us can ever truly understand the pain YOUR situation brought to you, we CAN understand the depth of pain that all of us are feeling in our own little "hells".

#5 Bratavia

Group: Member
Posts: 134
Joined: 25-August 03

Posted 26 August 2003 - 10:38 AM

I never thought I would have such a hard time posting about my story. But I guess I do. Not an easy thing to do. This thread at least breaks the ice alittle.

#6 Guest__*

Group: Guests

Posted 11 January 2002 - 08:46 AM

Hey all

We were speaking in chat the other day about feelings of unworthiness around posting. Some here clearly feel for whatever reason that they are unable to post for themselves, or feel that their responses to other people would not be wanted/correct.

I started this thread because I wanted to provide a space for people to talk about this a little. I know that this may seem slightly weird, asking people to post about being afraid to post, but hopefully a few people this concerns will be able to talk through their issues around this.

When I first came here I was mortally afraid of posting. I felt that as a baby in healing I had no business offering my opinion. I felt that everyone was wiser than me, and I should just go away and forget about it. I also felt selfish and stupid for asking questions for myself, for reaching out with my own pain. When I did post I would check 456137 times a day, hoping that SOMEONE had resonded. I compared the number of responses that I received with others, and felt unwanted and unloveable.

I thank my lucky stars for the generous and kind people that did respond to my first, tentative requests for support and information. Now I'm not a newbie anymore, I see things differently. I know that I don't respond to every post out of a lack of love of concern for others, but rather because I've finally worked out that if I don't practise self-care then no amount of support or validation from others will ever help me heal. I know my own limitations: sometimes I have loads of energy to write long rambles to lots of folk, and other times (like recently) I've needed to take care of my own pain.

I see everyone here as being important and valuable. Everyone has valid things to say. Fresh opinions and input are always welcome.

If you are in the position of feeling worthless, alone, and scared of posting, then please consider dropping a few lines in here. You may find yourself reassured that you ARE important, welcome, and a member of this family.

Aoife

#7 Guest__*

Group: Guests

Posted 11 January 2002 - 11:08 AM

Wow, maybe this will work...
I am one of those that is afraid to post. Thank you Aoife for strating this! Maybe now I will feel like it is ok.
I love reading everyone posts and am very familar with the board, but when I go to reply I often just can't do it. For a a while I have felt like I was in a weird place. A lot of you know me from the chat room, so I felt odd introducing myself. On the other hand, those of you from the board have no idea who I am, so I felt odd responding. But hey, now everyone knows me thanks to yet another of Aoife's wonderful threads! There is so much knowledge and insight here. Maybe now I can look forward to playing a more active role in this wonderful family.
Thanks everyone!
~Pen

#8 Guest__*

Group: Guests

Posted 12 January 2002 - 02:36 AM

lm@o!!! :biggrin:

Sorry, I'm just laughin' at myself.

I honestly thought I was the only one at this board who felt like this.
>*smacks self upside the forehead for being so unobservant*<

Looks like we're all in the same boat though, huh?

And Aoife, I DO know what you mean about checking posts.
After I post somethin' that reveals a lot, I will sit there pressing "refresh" constantly to see the no. of views, no. of responses, & invariably there is this massive flood of relief when somebody responds with kind words.

(nobody has ever said one single cruel thing to me here, so I guess it's time I stopped being so paranoid. lol)

Luv yas all :biggrin:

Unicorn

#9 Guest__*

Group: Guests

Posted 03 July 2002 - 08:22 PM

Hello all. I am actually afraid to post, but anyway, I don't know what else to do! I'm really lonely, depressed(about the obvious) and scared. :-( The flashbacks and everything that goes along with it, are more intense and are coming back now. I've talked to alot of people(in my opinion) about how I've been feeling, but nothing seems to help. I will starting therapy(for the thousandth time!) again next week to talk about my coping issues, but I'm just really down and feel alone at the moment. What should I do? I don't know how much more I can take, and I just really need to hear from somebody who understands!

Btw, I'm a 21 year old female, african-american, college student, and some of my interests are yoga, spirituality, writing, journaling, fine arts, and jazz.

#10 Guest__*

Group: Guests

Posted 25 August 2003 - 04:30 PM

BOOST

Love Catherine

#11 Alex12345

Group: Member
Posts: 2,343
Joined: 04-January 02

Posted 11 January 2002 - 08:54 AM

Thank you for posting that, it's comforting.

#12 Alex12345

Group: Member
Posts: 2,343
Joined: 04-January 02

Posted 11 January 2002 - 10:34 AM

Quote:
When I first came here I was mortally afraid of posting. I felt that as a baby in healing I had no business offering my opinion. I felt that everyone was wiser than me, and I should just go away and forget about it. I also felt selfish and stupid for asking questions for myself, for reaching out with my own pain. When I did post I would check 456137 times a day, hoping that SOMEONE had resonded. I compared the number of responses that I received with others, and felt unwanted and unloveable.

Yes, I could have said that. That's exactly the way I felt and the way I still feel sometimes. The first time I answered to you in that post, I didn't dare to share my fear. I was afraid to post in the post "afraid to post?" very funny but true.
I'm getting ok about answering to people even if I have the feeling I never know to find the words to comfort other people.
But often it takes me about 3 days to decide myself to post about myself.

(((Aoife)))

#13 Persephone1

Group: Member
Posts: 141
Joined: 22-September 01

Posted 11 January 2002 - 07:42 PM

Aoife,

Thanks for putting up this post, there are so many occasions I feel intimidated to post and I end up not posting as a result. Either I'm whining about my own situations, afraid to discuss them, I'm not going to give "good enough" support to someone who needs it, add to that the fact that I have a hard time opening up to people in the first place, and well, there you have it.

I know that I'm not alone in some of these feelings, actually I assumed as much before I even read this post. But it's still good to know that I'm not the only one.

(((hugs)))

Persephone

#14 Guest__*

Group: Guests

Posted 26 October 2002 - 03:14 AM

Anybody know how I can chat? I feel like Id really like to just sit and watch the chat..

#15 Guest__*

Group: Guests

Posted 30 August 2003 - 01:01 AM

Okay, so am one of the afraid people. I really just stumbled upon this site, looking for song lyrics of all things. I am reaching my one year anniversary of when my rape began, and still can't talk about it.