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Memories Unwanted

Posted by bellachai , 20 November 2013 · 358 views

My mother does not like to stay home on the anniversary day of my dad's death which is Halloween day. I can understand that. We decided to go to the bigger town in my area which is 50 miles away.

The plan was to go to breakfast, do some light shopping and to the used book store there. We were chatting away in the restraint when our waiter came to the table to apologize for the long wait for the food. We did not even notice and were in no hurry anyway. He said our order just got lost so our breakfast would be free. Nice guy waiter and very good looking. Just more money to spend on used books.

Most of the day was the best day I had in October until on the way home.

My mother still says and does things that are disturbing and/or freaks me out since dad died two years ago.

Since the day my dad died my mother fixes herself a Cosmopolitan drink every evening (never drank while dad was alive) and I suspect maybe more from her demeanor sometimes when I call her. I still can hear her preaching that anyone who drinks everyday is an alcoholic. She admitted that she believed that to be true but now recently found a report that that is not true and it was okay to have one drink everyday.

Out of the blue she tells me stuff like she cannot watch TV programs that have obese actors yet she is now overweight and does not know why but my guess is from the fattening Cosmopolitans.

Another time she told me that she does not understand why anyone would like French kissing and wanted to know my take on it and if I liked it. Awkward and creepy.

Just so it does not get confusing reading this: My mom and dad divorced when I was 4 and my mother immediately married the evil stepfather. She left this evil person when I was 10 then remarried my dad when I was 18.

Anyway on the way home we were speaking of the uselessness of the appendix as a body part. Then she tells me that when my sister had her appendix out she had to call the evil stepfather then to ask for money and he came instead. I said what he was there?. When she left him we moved to Arizona from Colorado. I said I do not remember him there at all. I said I remember we were in a family owned pizza place when my sister bent in two in severe pain and we took her to emergency room but nothing about him being there. She told me all about it and ever since then I just draw a blank. Nothing nada zero no memory of him being there at that time.

So here comes the creepy part, my mother then says 'Oh I hope what he did to you didn't take away the pleasure of having sex for you' I pretended to mistake what she meant and replied ' well, I had a hard time getting pregnant and it was discovered my cervix had much scarring on it". That was the wrong direction to not answer her question directly. She blurts out "that means there was penetration and how could you not remember that as it would have hurt very much". I was silent for a moment and then softly said who would want to remember that kind of pain and do whatever it took to block it out completely. End of that conversation.

Two days after that I woke one morning to the sound of the evil stepfather's voice say "I will make you feel better". I was freaked cuz I have not heard his voice in dreams or in person or on the phone for decades. I still had my nose hose on dispensing oxygen so couldn't really hyperventilate. Then I cried cuz I don't want to remember anymore in dreams or flashbacks or in narrative. What I know and remember right now is more than I want to know about.

Sitting with you. So much painful stuff here...


Safe hugs to you  im sorry your mother was so insensitive  

Nov 20 2013 02:46 PM

I am sorry, my friend. 


I'm sitting with you.  Sending safe hugs and warm healing thoughts.


:hug:  :hug:

Thank you (((Susanna))), (((fairies))) and (((missophelia)))

Nov 21 2013 08:29 PM

Very inappropriate behaviour on her part. I am sorry she put you through that :hug:

Nov 21 2013 11:08 PM



I'm so sorry. I wish I could see you through this in person. Can't imagine how painful this all is.

I agree Untangling my mother is an inappropriate person.

MaybeJ you are a good friend.

Thank you (((Untangling))) and (((MaybeJ)))

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