I had a nightmare and got maybe 3 hours total in sleep, but even that total was broken.
Today has a rollercoaster of anxiety. Up and down. Made it hard for me to do the things I needed to.
Harder still that I have a recording of my session yesterday, and have to listen to it every day. I am being bombarded with the trauma. Reliving it, it seems. At least, it feels that way.
And it is so different hearing my voice speaking those words and telling exactly what he did to me. What he said to me.
What I felt and what I went through.
But....it is supposed to help in the long run. Prolonging exposure to my memories and to the trauma is supposed to lessen it's horrible impact on me, and help me be able to deal with what happened and cope in a much better way.
I guess I just wasn't prepared for the aftermath of yesterday. I almost feel blindsided.
And oh, yay, I have to do it all again for another 10-12 sessions.
I just wish that the aftermath of yesterday didn't feel, in many ways, like the aftermath of that night.