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I just want to feel like a normal kid. I want to be able to play with people from my class. I'd love for my mum to come to parent's evening or even remember to buy food for the fridge. I mean she isn't a bad mum but I do wish things were different. I don't want to tip toe around not knowing if its a good day or a bad day. I do know some of her signs and I do try to help but it is hard. Mum gets sad. Its not her fault.
Today, I know mum is happy. There is flour everywhere. White footprints up and down the living room, trailing to the kitchen. Music. Windows wide open. The smell of burning cakes drifting through.
'Look love, I've been baking, thought I'd make us something special', she squeaks with half a cigarette hanging from her fingers. I hold my tongue. I know I shouldn't say anything sarcastic right now. I grab some oven mitts and open the oven door, covered by smoke and grey clouds. I tell reassure her that they are wonderful, just the same and some icing could help the colour. After all its the inside that tastes the best. She doesn't fall for my fib.
'They're awful, aren't they? I tried, I really did try. I can't even cook a stupid bloody cake. Even you think they're rubbish. I spent all morning trying and I've ruined them like everything else' she sobs. Okay, so I was wrong, not totally happy. Mum lights another cigarette, whimpering into her packet.
'Its okay, we can start again', I know I'll miss morning lessons but I know it will only get worse.
Today, I know mum is happy. There is flour everywhere. White footprints up and down the living room, trailing to the kitchen. Music. Windows wide open. The smell of burning cakes drifting through.
'Look love, I've been baking, thought I'd make us something special', she squeaks with half a cigarette hanging from her fingers. I hold my tongue. I know I shouldn't say anything sarcastic right now. I grab some oven mitts and open the oven door, covered by smoke and grey clouds. I tell reassure her that they are wonderful, just the same and some icing could help the colour. After all its the inside that tastes the best. She doesn't fall for my fib.
'They're awful, aren't they? I tried, I really did try. I can't even cook a stupid bloody cake. Even you think they're rubbish. I spent all morning trying and I've ruined them like everything else' she sobs. Okay, so I was wrong, not totally happy. Mum lights another cigarette, whimpering into her packet.
'Its okay, we can start again', I know I'll miss morning lessons but I know it will only get worse.
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2 Comments On This Entry
Awe ((((one.day)))) if ok. I can totally relate! I never knew what I would come home to. I hope you are in a better place now. It's hard to live in such an unstable environment. I threw away all the diaries I've ever written. 
if ok 
if ok
chapstickofcherry,
30 December 2012 - 04:54 PM
Thank you, . I did with all my others, I had no idea that I still had this one. It made me think. I know 
I'm sorry you too were stuck in the ups and downs. X
. I did with all my others, I had no idea that I still had this one. It made me think. I know I'm sorry you too were stuck in the ups and downs. X
one.day.,
01 January 2013 - 04:18 PM
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