Prostitution, get out of my head

Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.

You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.

Prostitution, get out of my head

26 November 2012

Posted by crazysanegirl

Coming clean post. I did it again. The time between times gets longer and longer though... At least there's that that's positive.

I think the last time was in 2009. And then, one month ago.

I didn't do it for the same reason I did it the other times. Something didn't come over me - something came over me other times when I created websites, blogs, whatever, in the months before. But one month ago, it was just plain cash. I've been out of work since March now... I'm out of it. I didn't want to do it but I did it. It paid the rent. I rationalized it.

Now, I'm thinking about doing it again because I'm a hundred dollars shy from no longer being able to pay the groceries. Just before starting this post I was emailing another ex client. I didn't click send. Fuck it. Come on Pandy's.

Here I am.

To talk to me, I guess.

So it isn't easy, but you'll find some other way.

I'm scared though.
Anxiety through the roof. Broke down at my doctor's office today when he pointed out I'd written my name wrong on a form.

Like I'm breaking apart from me.

Oh God, let me be like the birds that you feed...
Mathew 6:25-27

Share This Entry:

Back to crazysanegirl's Blog →

3 Comments On This Entry

if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here (: i know my situation is probably a bit different from yours, but still. always helps to have someone to vent with.

kjw9311, 26 November 2012 - 09:20 PM