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to quote Adam Ant...

Posted by missophelia , 09 March 2013 · 99 views

“Depression is something that doesn’t just go away. It’s just… there and you deal with it. It’s like… malaria or something. Maybe it won’t be cured, but you’ve got to take the medication you’re prescribed, and you stay out of situations that are going to trigger it.”

— Adam Ant

And what are you supposed to do if what triggers your depression is inside of you?

I am so tired of feeling this way. And it isn't like Adam Ant is saying anything wrong, or anything that isn't true. Because I know there are things that can trigger depression, just as there are things that can trigger my anxiety, as well as my anger and rage.

But how do I deal with this just horrid internal depression. It seems that every time I have begun to pull myself out of this pit of depression, I just get knocked back down into that pit. Not by any external trigger. But just by this overwhelming feeling that comes from deep inside of me.

I'm starting to feel like I'm doomed to never feel better, to never feel whole, to never feel really human again.

Because I don't think that the way I feel is the natural state of the human condition.

The way you're feeling is in response to having been traumatized - definitely not a normal state of the human condition. You're working so hard on processing the trauma hon it's brought all of your emotions to the surface. I know it doesn't feel like it but yoiu are making great progress.

Much Love! :hug:/> :hug:/> :hug:/>
Mar 10 2013 06:48 AM

Thank you for being so encouraging.

I keep playing this out in my mind, that I should be stronger, that I should be able to move past all of this, that I should see that I am making progress. But part of me doesn't feel like I've made much progress at all, if any. Part of me feels far from being strong. Part of me feels like I will never really move past any of this.

So I try to not play any of that out in my mind, because I just end up feeling defective, broken beyond repair. Which feels really self defeating. It's just all so frustrating, and like some vicious circle of thought and emotion that gets me nowhere.

Lots of love!! :hug: :hug: :hug:

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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    0 members, 20 guests, 0 anonymous users

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