I got out and handed in my script at the chemist so I need to collect it tomorrow. I decided despite feeling overwhelmed to head into town for a mooch around. My mood did not improve I went through the motions but the thought that kept running through my mind was that if I do this today I can spend the rest of the week at home and wont have to go out again, except to the chemist. I could find no pleasure in my outing today at all. I needed to get the bus to the supermarket on the way home and then wait for my husband to pick me up so I had time to kill and boy did it feel like an eternity. I got to the bus stop too early so sat and watched two go by I could have gotten on. I felt very aware that nobody I saw looked happy, I wondered if anyone was happy anywhere - perhaps just children I thought as they don't understand the mess of this world.
I wont continue with the tale of my day - it did not improve and even now home and in my dressing gown I feel cold and uncomfortable. I am so very down, I ache all over and have jabbing pains going on here and there intermittently, my head is aching - probably from crying again. I feel like a wretched thing, nothing like me. I don't understand why I feel so bad of late, things are not all bad and I have things I should be happy about. I keep telling myself I need to find some happiness within me, need to make myself smile somehow but it would seem to be like asking night to be day. Please let tomorrow see a return to a happier me again..