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Posted by Dark_and_Dead , 09 June 2010 · 39 views

Well today has been hell to say the least. Spent the intire day contemplating suicide. All I wanted was t speak to my therapist and she told me she was nt busy this week and that I could ring her and make an appointment, agh, or not...she wasnt there so I couldnt talk to her and then I cant even see her this week cause she is busy and I am at a major low point.

Even at the supermarket today the randm check out ladie asked if I was ok...is it that obvious? I am normally so good at hiding my upsetness.

So what could I do...had no one to talk to..my friend is working 24 7 ... so I was going to ring a hotline...yeah no..I hate talking on phone..even thoe I still was contemplating doing it until I found one that I could text..sO I text them and they say that because I have just harmed myself its against their policy to continue to talk to me and that I needed to go to a hospital. So um yeah thanks i just continued to hurt myself cause I finally get enug courage to get support and pretty much get shut down.

So what now...well Still SI...still suicidal...still having flashbacks...living on no sleep and no food...I am actually going crazy!

i'm sorry your t is busy and the hotline couldn't help you.

you need to keep asking for help until you get it. the ER is the best place to go if you're suicidal and don't think you can stay safe. i hate talking on the phone too, but i've called several hotlines lately. they provide a safe person to talk to - i really recommend it.

ps. i can relate. i've been suicidal many times in my life. the last time wasn't too long ago. please do whatever you need to do to stay safe.
d and d..its been awhile...am concerned...are you ok???i think im about where you were when u last posted..in nov. could u maybe let those that do care know if you are ok?maybe a quick status update?we do care....there are those here that have been where u r and can relate...please give word how u r..dont feel as if u cant ask for help here..even if its words they are of understanding and comfort..just because they are not there to hold you that r hurting so much..this is IRL..you are interacting here???no???this is as 84$ as one can get...our most hidden secrets.shames.everything we couldnt share with others as they could never understand the feelings we feel..thoughts we think. the private hell each knows...please dont wander to far...we care about YOU...the hurt,lonely,frustrated YOU...when i say we i mean pandys...you are never alone...no matter the hurt,how dark the secret shame, there are those here that may have the same....dont stop caring about you..you are missed.....piink

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