dealing with old feelings
i've stopped myself laying in bed all day so i know i'm not bad again but why now ? what has been the trigger ?
i just cant figure it out.... i re read my victim personal statement and that has helped me realise that i have moved forward and the i will continue to do so, but for such a long time ive just had the occasional day of crap but this has been going on for days now
things will get better again
things will get easier
i am not broken
i've kind of discovered something about myself recently that i value "me" a bit more right now. i don't let people walk all over me unless i want them too ... i.e borrowing money ...."no i dont want too" .... "your taking it !" kind of scenario.
it feels nice but at the same time life is a bit harder when you have self respect as you start to realise the people who don't give it to you ... you realise that you deserve more. some of the hardest decisions i've had to make about my life have happened in that last few days ....
maybe that's why i'm struggling a bit with the past... im now trying to walk away from the people who dont respect me and dont deserve me in their lives. this is hard as they make me feel safe and im leaving my comfort zone
i respect myself ... as how can others respect me until i can do that for myself
it feels very empowering feeling this way ....i just wish it wasn't so hard right now
i know that in the end life will become easier and better ... i need to get out of this rutt otherwise if i go back now it will go on forever
its just uncomfortable and i want it to be over soon, i know its only me that can sort this out so
"come Stace sort it out"