What are your healing ACCOMPLISHMENTS?

[Francesca]

1.Allowing myself to sob out my pain and realize that I'm stronger than I thought.

2.Accepting so many kind words said about me as fact and not just someone trying to make me feel better.

3.Putting other's needs before my own.

All leading to Number 4: Coming back.  

[Cira]

I have a new one!!! :)

I sent an email to a friend of mine & told her my story.

*patting self on back*

Thanks again, for this thread, Shell.

[Guest Tattered and Torn]

I know this is an old thread but I want to do this:

My baby steps:

1. Realizing I NEED to take baby steps

2. Telling my story here

3. Talking to my boyfriend

4. Realizing that I need help

5. Realzing that I'm not crazy

6. Admiting to myself what happened

Okay thats all for now.

[Guest]

I posted the rest of my story and though I'm still fighting the urge to delete the most recent part I'm keeping it up.

Yay....

[widefront]

I've built bridges and discovered I like it out here in the real world. I still get scared and want to retreat behind my wall. But I have friends willing to help me get past it. It's nice to finally have friends.

[bailey]

for years, i've chewed my nails. i've always been ashamed of them, but try as i might, i couldn't stop biting. several months before the rape, i managed to stop. i had gotten a manicure and was so proud of myself. then IT happened. i was a wreck, and started chewing my nails again. it's been almost a year, but i've finally calmed down and "de-stressed" myself enough to let them grow. they are beautiful now. they look so nice.

this was a MAJOR step for me.

~b

[Jessica]

Thank you so much for this thread... I tend to focus only on my failings and the things I continually mess up.  But, today, I'm feeling strong...so here goes:

1. I survived; I'm alive

2. I stopped drinking

3. I let a beautiful man into my heart, and now we have a good marriage.

4. I've been telling my story, and trying to get to a point where I can tell it with real words...I tend to be really "heady" and have a hard time naming what really happened and how it has really affected me.

5. I can enjoy healthy sex with my dh, and usually not get triggered.

6.  I'm developing close friendships with 2 gentle, amazing men in my seminary class.  I've told them a little about my experiences and how it causes me to think they are aliens from outer space...lol...

7.  I can hug men and be vulnerable around some of them.

8.  I've admitted to my close friends that I'm still struggling.

9.  I'm a very good friend.

10.  I'm an amazing mother, despite my pain.

11.  I got really triggered during a recent guided meditation and started having flashbacks.  I told my classmate sitting next to me and she said, "It's gonna be ok, bebe."  Before the next one started, I asked another classmate to come and sit beside me.  Afterwards, I was able to thank him and tell him that I was triggered and his presence comforted me.  He said he felt honored to be able to do that.  I almost cried...

12.  Yesterday, I e-mailed a particulary nasty exercpt from my inner dialogue to a friend in my study group.  She replied that she loves me and said, "Thank you for the gift of sharing your insides with me."  More tears.

13.  Today, I called a campus rape crisis center...  I spent a solid 1/2 hour trying to convince the counselor that I'm a lunatic weakling, but she was very pig-headed about the whole thing...  She's refering me to a community center that is a block away from my house...and (although I'm probably going to need lots of support to do it) I'm committed to going and getting some help.  

14.  I can admit that I need and deserve some help...even though it's been so long...even though I've had help before...it's ok to need some more...

Thanks for listening.  

[Jessica]

I'm having a hard time today, so I'm reaching for straws.  You were right about how important it is to have this list to look over in the dark times.  I even remembered something else to add, although it's definitely the result of fishing!  

I have a male chiropractor, who I see twice a week.  I'm trying to get a handle on an old lumbar injury.  He's great.  I've only been triggered a few times during adjustments--when he's adjusted my hips and another where I lay on my back with my arms crossed on front of me.  Both of these involve him sort of laying on me for a brief second.  I've been able to breathe through it, keep my composure and be ok.  That's pretty brave for me!  

Thanks for giving me a place to share and remind myself of what I've accomplished.  

ML,

Yemaya

[Guest]

My accomplishment is hardly monumental, in fact, it's very small. I went on a date and when he walked me to my car and asked if he could hug me...I let him. And I liked it.

[Cira]

(((Meijer)))

Any accomplishment is major, no matter how small it may seem!

Thanks for boosting this.  I've been feeling like shit today, so listing a few accomplishments is a great idea - maybe it'll make me feel better.

1. I built my own website, complete with my story, and a lot of revealing thoughts...something that I feel vulnerable but also very good about.  

2. I shared my site with several people, though (as Lou would say) I nearly shit myself waiting for criticism that didn't come.

3. I posted am going to post it here as soon as I finish cleaning it up.

4. I started using my real name here, and it feels #### good.  I used my real  name on my site, too.

5. I revealed a LOT of my feelings about the abuse to Chris.

6. I've reached out to several people lately.

7. I haven't quit doing the volunteer work, even when I felt like a failure at it & thought all the people I'd been talking with would be better off with another counselor.

[Mary]

my therepist said i was displacing my anger and putting it on other people and on other places, and in the past few days ive been able to say i am mad at him beyond believe

this is for me

FUCK YOU TRAVIS!

Mary

[Guest]

To be myself again......whom ever I was...

Charly

[Guest]

I have shared my story with those I trust.

I have joined a great support group.

I have begun to let myself cry when I need to.

I have turned to friends for support.

I have prayed when I felt lost.

I have acknowledged my anxiety.

I have sought out resourses wherever possible.

I have not given up.

[Guest]

i finished school and began study in university, i have a boyfriend, live together with him and going to mary.

i swore to myself no matter how despaired i am i will NEVER commit s*cide

i gave my knives to my boyfriend and promised i have to ask him before i ever use them (cause i dont wanna loose face i dont ask him and therefore dont cut)

i haven cut in almost 4 years

i quit smoking pot and even cigarettes

i have big plans for life and all of them are possible:

i wanna go to italy and australia, i wanna go back to america and finally see the westcoast.

i wanna drive a car that has no ceiling once

i want to ride a horse again

i want familly and kids and still work. and my boyfriend dreams the same dreams

i want to be professor of theoretic computer scince and have good chances to get that job one day

oh yes, and i wanna smile tomorrow and day after and so on...

i learnt ways to deal with depression

i learnt to keep the apartment clean enough so there wont be another invasion of bugs

i take showers and sometimes spend hours in bathroom to do nice things with my body (nice oil, shaving, take a bath)

i really begin to believe that im beautifull and was alway so.

i made peace with my mom (who knew about a*use)

i can go to my basketball trainer now and say: i was missing because i was depressive -- im depressive sometimes because im an csa survivor. and guess what he just reacted fine

i begin to learn that when i want friends i cant just wait someone comes to me but i gotta talk and call people and have ideas what one could do.

i begin to think about religion though i havent made up my mind yet.

oh yes, i play wheelchair basketball 3 times a week and play in state-division. i have lost more then 40 pounds since then and i can walk 4 times as far.

even though all the doctors said this was a bad idea i made up my own believe, went there anyway and feel better now.

i lernt to trust myself some more.

EW

[Guest]

Cool thread!

Okay, here goes...

I've broken my ten year silence and I feel stronger for it!

I've even managed to tell men. Well, two men but still men!

I've helped someone else heal after their years of silence (I keep meaning to post that. I'll do it next).

I haven't let it stop me! I've worked in America and I'M OFF TO FRANCE IN 20 DAYS!!!!!!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

[Guest dream of water]

By far the biggest one is that I've learned to be a capable parent who knows how to love his children so that it benefits <i>them</i>.

[Guest]

I have reconnected with my assault experience and realized its impact on my life.

I am being more open-minded in the dating process.

I am letting myself get excited about dating and being interested in someone again.

Today, when I heard those "criticizing voices" telling me that "I can't" or "this is a bad thing" I stopped what I was doing and wrote in my journal... they went away!

Thanks to everyone else who has posted! Keep it coming!

Nancy

[Guest]

This is really difficult. I've read these posts many times and am awed by the strength and courage all of you show. Big pats on the back to you all, I'm proud of you!

In healing,

MJ

[Cira]

Alright, I guess I really should focus a bit more on the positive, and I do have a few things to add.

1. I posted my picture in 'My Voice' which is something I never thought I'd be able to do.

2. I've reached out to some people lately, and feel good about it.  An on-line friend of mine (who I just KNEW had been sexually abused, even though she didn't realize it yet) talked to me and a few others the other night about how her father sexually abused her as a teen.  Her telling was partially a result of me sharing my story.  

3. I went back to the places where the rapes/abuse took place.

4. I pitched my book idea and outed myself entirely in the process.

5. I confided more stuff to Chris, whether he appreciated it or not at the time.  He obviously didn't, from the lack of response, but that doesn't make it any less courageous, so to #### with him.  It's an accomplishment either way.

6. I called the oral rape what it was.

7. I recovered some new memories, and have been working on making sense of them.

8. I called those new memories what they are - abuse.

OK, I guess that's all for now.

[Cira]

And for my biggest accomplishment as of late - I realized it wasn't my fault.  It's a good feeling.

[Stephanie]

I dunno why I haven't replied to this one before.

I have managed to stick with my therapy

I have told a couple of ppl

I am currently doing a play for schools on rape

I am starting to use the r word - sometimes!

Steph

[~Lindsay~]

Well, this happened awhile ago (a year ago actually) when I came out of denial and self-minimization.  I've also been able to open up more and receive help.

[Guest]

Wow!  I can't believe there are sooo many others who feel and think like I do.  Sometimes I doubt whether I should even be continuing with my therapy and group.  I think why bother it wasn't such a big deal, anyway.  I see a lot of people have come through this same thought.  Well, It's hard to connect the feelings to somethings that seem so surreal, but I guess I'll keep working on it.  Great Site!

[scardycat]

I’m re posting this, because I feel its ok for me to have it here for now.

So..

*I'm alive

*I have stuck with T despite it being extremely tough and painful.  And I have learned to trust my T and asked her to hold my hand in my journey. I'm still going

*I have a beautiful niece and nephew who I am able to love without fear, and who tell me they love me cos i dont tell lies or break promises (how cool is that)

* Although its difficult I try to see good in the world.

* I fought my way out of a psychiatric service which had me over medicated and institutionalised.  

*I have found a doctor I can trust.

*I trust my instinct

*I'm not afraid to be vulnerable and have learned to nurture that part of me.

*I let myself feel sad and hurt, because i need to.

*My self care is exceptionally good most of the time (enormous for me)

* I have a sense of humour and a streak of sarcasm that just refuses to die

*I have learned that I am a survivor and deserve to survive.  But I have also learned that a Survivor is not all I am.

*Here I am at pandys

Hugs to everyone,

love always, scardy xxxx

(Edited by scardycat at 5:04 pm on June 6, 2003)

(Edited by scardycat at 6:14 pm on July 18, 2003)

[Shell]

Yippeeeee for everyone!!!

I am replying to make this a red dot thread. :biggrin:

I don't have any healing accomplishments to add right now but I want to tell all of you that I am so proud of you. How many of you thought there was nothing positive about where you are or what you have done? This proves otherwise. You are all an inspiration to me.

Keep up the good work healing AND the good work listing your accomplishments.

So, so , so , so proud of you all.

Love,

Shell