Jump to content


Helpful thoughts on self-blame.

Posted by Onno , in analyses 12 April 2014 · 209 views

This will not be a big entry, but merely a thought that stuck into my mind.
First of all I want to state that I don't believe little children can ever be sexually responsible. The blame I henceforth speak of is just a feeling I only tend to have towards myself, which is, now I think of it, quite stupid of its own: why should you blame yourself things you wouldn't blame others? Anyway..
My mother always warned against the 'obvious' dangers of strangers offering sweets, hunting for little children, strangers who would do things to us we wouldn't want to happen and she drilled us in how we needed to react to such intrusions, which is in itself a good thing. Still, she failed to warn for the 'less obvious': what if your brother of sister would propose certain stuff to do together? What to do if said brother or sister wouldn't be very impressed by your reluctance or no and became pushy, mandating or even forcing? In the end my danger was the brother sleeping in the room next to mine, not the stranger at the corner of the street. 
Now here is the thought, if parents aren't able to recognise all dangers, why should an unprepared child be able to recognise what is happening to him. I tend to blame myself for not recognising, but why? There is really no need to.

This is exactly the conversation my T and I had. And you are right! Always good to have it so clearly written though. Thank you.

Yes, exactly.!

As I read this I can see how you are rationalizing this. I too, think that thought. 


I had never thought of it this way. 

The thought has been there, but never this clearly. That is why it never really struck home to me either. I sometimes ask myself why it's harder to not-blame yourself than to not-blame others marginally involved, or even the perp. There should be a word like not-blaming: it is more than just the negative of blaming, somewhere it is inbetween not blaming and protecting. It is a passive kind of protecting. But who does one really protect? Maybe something to ponder about for the next entry. Thanks for the comments

July 2016

24252627 28 2930

Recent Comments


    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.