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It's Too Much

Posted by meghan716 , 17 August 2013 · 126 views

My sister yell and argues all the time. This is a trigger for my anxiety and it sometimes sends me on a flashback. I don't like not being in control, typical of a survivor I would say. She fights with my parents non stop. I wake up to her yelling most days of the week and it can really ruin my day. I don't get much sleep as it is despite the medicine.

My brother and my dad are also triggers for me, but thats another story... I never thought my family would be my own worst nightmare. Usually I would say, "I can't wait to go back to school", but thats where it happened in April... And I don't know if I'm ready.

My friends don't understand. I don't really expect them to, because this is their first time experiencing assault. However, they do nothing but tell me how selfish I'm being and how they won't "baby" me. That's not what I'm asking for so I don't know why they think that. They think they know what will help me heal, but how could they? I haven't gone into therapy yet and right now I'm regretting it. I thought I could heal myself and I have a hard time trusting people. They always tell me to move on. They don't realize this isn't something that I can just walk up from and forget about. It has changed me. I don't go out anymore. Anytime I see a man who resembles him in public I have a flashback of something about that night and I need to leave. I will never be the same again, but I hope I can get close to it.

Sometimes, it's just too much.

Sitting with you , if its okay? :blanket: I'm sorry they don't seem to understand right now and for the triggering situation you're in. Can you talk to anyone more openly about it? Or write things down? You could always try to go into therapy, if its what you want, in the future. My sister is the same and the lack of sleep doesn't seem to help me either! Sending lots of positive energy and hope, :rainbow:
Thank you for sitting to talk to me... I really needed someone today. I feel bad about talking about my situation to people. I don't want my mom to feel anymore of my pain, and I would prefer to keep my friends as friends, not practicing therapists. I know I need therapy, I'm just not quite ready to sit down and talk about everything and anything. I've gone to therapy before and it took me almost a year to feel the results. But thank you very much for the kind words and thoughts. It's whats keeping me going right now...

July 2016

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