I had a dream
I first thought I dreamed this dream cuz I have gotten so much joy of trips to the Oregon Coast. I had hopes and dreams to move there when I retired. That is now a dream shattered and then I realized this dream was trggered by something my daughter said yesterday that hurt me.
I then I had clarity which led to truth and reality. Reality is becoming so ughly and painful to me, almost unbearable. I began to cry and have been all day on and off. I feel as if I am crying tears of blood and fears.
Last night my daughter was preparing dinner of Stauffer's Mac and chees. On the inside packaging it had some minor trivia. One said that parents who eat dinner with their teens lends the teens to confide in their parents more. I agreed with that statement saying my daughter always told me everything and I could always tell if she was lying so she lied very rarely and got caught by me everytime.
My daughter then told me that she no longer confides everything with me anymore cuz her boyfriend told her that she is now an adult and he is her best friend now so confiding in me is stupid and just wrong. This of course reminded me of when her boyfriend told her that hugging and kissing me every day is creepy and weird so she stopped hugging and kissing me.
I suffer from stroke deprivation. No one hugs me in my reality anymore. No one listens to me in my reality.
The dream was symbolic in that it was telling me I cannot afford to pay for the good things in life that gaves me joy and a sense of feeling loved.
Every person that I love are either gone by their choice, lost to me, or out of my reach. This would not hurt so much if I did not care. Although I receive no love I still love all of them even the ones that don't deserve my love.
This world and the people that inhabit it are too cruel for my existence.
I have never felt so alone as I do now.
Blessings to all