It's Too Much
My brother and my dad are also triggers for me, but thats another story... I never thought my family would be my own worst nightmare. Usually I would say, "I can't wait to go back to school", but thats where it happened in April... And I don't know if I'm ready.
My friends don't understand. I don't really expect them to, because this is their first time experiencing assault. However, they do nothing but tell me how selfish I'm being and how they won't "baby" me. That's not what I'm asking for so I don't know why they think that. They think they know what will help me heal, but how could they? I haven't gone into therapy yet and right now I'm regretting it. I thought I could heal myself and I have a hard time trusting people. They always tell me to move on. They don't realize this isn't something that I can just walk up from and forget about. It has changed me. I don't go out anymore. Anytime I see a man who resembles him in public I have a flashback of something about that night and I need to leave. I will never be the same again, but I hope I can get close to it.
Sometimes, it's just too much.