My Grandmother only had an 8th grade education and yet she became a great business woman in times not many women were business women. She owned a grocery store and a dress shop. She was a land owner. She was married 5 times. She divorced three and two died. My mother's dad ended his life in the garage. I believe my Grandmother resented he left her in a horrible way
to raise their daughter alone. My mother was only 3 when he died. I believe my Grandmother resented my mother.
The only person I ever saw my Grandmother show affection for was me. She loved me. I was her favorite. My mother does not know why. My Grandmother hugged and kissed me and paid attention to me. She spoiled me since I was first born. I never saw her hug or kiss my mother or my sister or anyone else for that matter.
Both my mother and grandmother were emotionally distant and aloof. My sister is that way as well. I have to admit that my father was also this way. Then there is me.... I am none of those things. No wonder I always felt they switched me at birth cuz how could I have a family so unlike me.
I was the comedian. I was the hugger and affectionate one. I was the talker and the laugher. What a strange life I have lived.
I can understand why my mother would not like her mother. My mother did her duty in regards to her mother as well. My mother always does her duties in life well but either with no emotion or with flares of rage.
I am also my mother's favorite child. She did not connect with my sister well. I think the reason I am her favorite daughter is cuz I caused her very little grief whereas my sister was in trouble all the time. I also pay more attention to my mother. My mother is very intelligent. She could be considered an expert on World War II.
My sister once told my mother that she was very intimidating. That is true yet my mother holds the belief she is easy to get along with and that is not true. She has no friends. The entire time she was married to my dad the second time she did not seek a friendship with anyone so other than my daughter, my one nephew and myself she has no one else in her life.
Huh... I feel the same about her, my mother. I do not like my mother as a person. She does not know this. My mother should never have become a mother. No patience for children. Alas both my sister and I were accidents. I respect my mother in some ways such as she performed her duty as a mother whether she liked it or not, mostly probably not. Growing up it did feel like I was a chore to her and I felt like a burden on her. I was sick all the time cuz the evil stepfather was violating me while she was physically and verbally abusive. She denies she knew anything about the evil going on but I do not trust that as being entirely true. I will never know for sure.
Here it is Mother's day. I believe I broke the pattern/cycle of my Grandmother, my mother and my sister. I raised my children alone. They were never chores to me; they are an extension of my love and affection. They were hugged every day and told I loved them everyday. I spent much more quality time with them than I ever received. My children have good memories of their childhood.
Perhaps this was my only purpose in this life was to break the abusive, lonely and dysfunctional cycles of my family. My children will never have to question whether I love them or not. I think that is a good thing. I am okay with that.
I am glad that I did become a mother.