Dear Granddad (TW for language and content. This is more of a vent. Don't like? Don't read it)
You took that away from me. I may not have been able to tie my shoes, make a sandwich, or read my story books alone, but I was experienced in ways a little baby should never be exposed to.
I didn't remember for years, but I remember now. I remember you pulling my panties down and feeling me. I remember lying on your bed. That "game" we played. You were the tiger and I was the girl trying to escape. You'd pull me back by the leg and run your hands up and down my legs under my skirt.
I remember being 9/10 years old and kissing you goodbye. You shoved your tongue in my mouth and held my head down so I couldn't pull away. It wasn't the first time either.
You groomed me. You dressed me up in dresses, ribbons. Took me everywhere. Down to the pub, into your shed while you worked.
I worshipped you and you took advantage of that. You took away my innocence and my childhood. I was NEVER the same after that.
I want to hate you. You did horrible things. I want to really and utterly hate you and I can't. You left me feeling like it was my fault. Like i'm dirty, worthless, I deserved it.
I'm telling Cindy. I've spoken to her over the phone, but she needs to know. As does Tony and Joyce when she's old enough to understand. I will shout it from the roof tops if I have to, but people will know what you did. You will NOT hurt me anymore.
My only regret is that you died 13 years ago and can't be made accountable for your actions.
You know what hurts more than all the abuse? My mother trusted you. She left me in your care when she left for work, gone all week, returning at weekends. She trusted you so much and you abused that trust.
I'm just so glad that she's dead and won't have to face up to what you are and what you did.
You're a paedophile. I've never said it aloud, but you are.
I hope that whereever you are that you're being made to pay for what you did. I'm glad you died in pain. It's a little consolation for the 26 years of pain that I lived through.
I want to hate you so much, but something is stopping me and I hate that. I don't love you, I don't even like you that much. The bond we had has been broken. I just don't hate you.