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I need to keep going forward

Posted by SFP , 22 March 2012 · 16 views

Feeling like I am starting my downward trend. Don't have a clue why. Went and taught kayaking tonight, talked with some friends, then I came home.
I look at my home and I can't believe how messy it is. It's 1:30 in the morning and I am up typing when I should be sleeping. I know that would be the healthy choice to make. That what would be best for me to do.
Started watching the last temptation of Christ and now I am diving headlong into my abyss. I feel the anger coming on towards myself, why, why why.
Trying to get back to my what seemed to be a real insight on being a survivor and all that that means. I was feeling great but now it's like whatever.
So what am I doing now. Typing to a computer screen, shaking my head telling myself things that are not very nice. I need to shake this complete and utter bullshit that I put myself through all to often. Where did it start. At what point after my last blog did I start to lose it. Who knows...........Whatever

hi, i haven't been able to be here today but i just read this and wanted to say i'm sorry you're feeling down. i know too well the bullshit we put ourselves through. and how suddenly things can spiral from ok to not ok. i also know they can suddenly change for the better too sometimes. i hope that misplaced anger turned inward can find its real target soon.

teaching kayaking sounds pretty awesome. i am not good at it, at all, but good for you.

oh, and definitely don't beat yourself up for the messy house....you wouldn't believe how many of us struggle with that too.

we hear you.

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