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My Hell Trying to Live

Posted by tamjohn70 , 30 April 2013 · 112 views

I feel like I can't breathe today, when I started blogging about my father yesterday I have not smiled since. All I have been doing is crying,I feel so alone right now I wish there was someone I could reach out to but I can't. I just don't know what to do, tired of having these days. One day I am up and I feel like I have the world at my hands then the next I feel completely alone.

Right now I am tired of the up and down, tired of feeling like I am ready to end this circle and move on. Today I feel like walking across the street and jumping in the river but I won't do that. After my last suicide attempt i promised my husband I would not do that again. Unfortunatley I wake up everyday having to make myself be happy, put on a fake smile. I just want to have a day when I do not think about the abuse from my uncle or my father. I just want to be normal like everyone else.

Tired of hearing people say they want to reach out or be there for me but they really don't. It sounds great to their ears but not to me. I pray everyday that god would fix me or release me from the pain. I am tired of being broken and alone.

Sorry hun you have to put on that mask everyday i know how very tiring that gets. Hope you can just one day let all those tears and emotions out without judgement from others hugs
Not alone here hun ok you keep reaching out here hugs
Right now I just want to crawl up in a ball under my covers and cry till I go to sleep. I had another memory today. Still wish my father would say I did good in life. Wanting approval from one of my abusers.

July 2016

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