Today I feel really disconnected, whther that is the right word I don't know. Nor do I care.
I don't care what I have, what its called or what anyone thinks. I just want to be understood.
I'm terrified that the more and more stuff I need to talk about here that no one will keep up with it.
I don't expect that, I'm just worried. Like it will be easier to not post because having to explain things. Its not that its too uncomfortable(some things are of course) i just stress myself out over it.
I have lots going on right now, I'm scared I might get left behind. Like I did to her.
This is me being more honest than I ever have here okay? Today i've 'checked out' and back in. I've felt like a litlle girl. I've felt like another child.
Which I feel right now.
I keep thinking about how do i know i feel like another child, how do i know thats what im feeling. As far as i know i've never another kid so how would i know what it feels like?
See this is the stuff i'm scared to let out.
Alot is going on right now. I'm starting to look at my relationship with my mum very differently
She didn't do her job as well as I've been convincing myself.
Not feeling like myself right now.
I thought csa, r and partner r were the only things bothering me. What feels like emotional abuse remembered too.
Inppropriate behaviour towards me and bullying are also things that have gotten me here.
Its so wonderful lately some walls have come down, i've been letting my bf in more. What feels like 'teen me' had given up on any more walls coming down.
Right now I'm a little bit teary, I find it really difficult and embarassing but can I have a hug if anyone has one?
I think that's all thats needed right now.