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homework for this week....

Posted by missophelia , 30 June 2013 · 174 views

What is beauty.

I don't think you can define beauty, at least, not physical beauty. Everyone's ideal of beauty is different. So, I don't think there's any way you can really define beauty. I don't even know what being “beautiful” in a physical way means, or what it is. Is it a thin body, being tall, slender, having a certain hair color? I know the Nazi's ideal of beauty was the blonde haired blue eyed Aryan.
Then again, there ARE men who think that overweight women are beautiful.
So, that's my take on physical beauty.

I do think that real beauty in a person has nothing to do with their physical looks. I think it's more a matter of something that is inside of you.
You can be whoever you look like on the outside. You can even change the way you look on the outside. But whoever you are, what you are, THAT is on the inside. And you can't always change that.

I think the real measure of beauty is what kind of person you are on the inside. Kind, gentle, caring. Someone who gives of themselves. To me, that is beautiful. Someone who is cruel, mean, does not care. Someone who hurts others, emotionally, physically, spiritually. To me, that person is ugly.

I may have been broken...
But I'm still beautiful.

I have been thinking about that saying. And I think there is another meaning to it.

I think that beautiful is a metaphor for something else. It's not simply “beauty” that the saying is referring to. I think it symbolizes something else, something entirely different from beauty.

To me, this saying speaks to me and says that the trauma that “broke” me doesn't change who I was as a person before the trauma. And when I look at it this way, and then look at my drawing, I can go further, and say that the trauma that “broke” me can't keep me from growing. I can still grow, and I am still the person I was. I am still “beautiful.”

Now I just have to try and find that person, and help her heal and grow.

I agree to a lot of what you are saying, and do agree physical beauty is gauged differently by everyone. However, I know some of the trauma left me with behavioral scars that eventually hurt other people either emotionally, or spiritually. I fight those behaviors everyday but it's like a rigid diet, after a while I just can't do it and have a relapse into old behaviors. I'm having to learn to be kinder to myself and realize I'm just doing the best that I can, and am human. It doesn't excuse my actions, but I understand better and try not to beat myself up when I make choices that may not be the best for keeping others emotionally or spiritually happy/safe. To some people I am really ugly, and am judged harshly. I then carry even more guilt, and feel the weight upon my shoulders. It beats me down ripping away any radiance I tried to salvage from the trauma. I hate who I am internally and constantly wish I could be that kind, gentle, caring person, that would NEVER make a choice that could negatively impact the life of another. The truth is though that I've made many choices that impacted other people and hurt them emotionally and spiritually. I didn't set out to intentionally do so, but I also knew that my choices had a great potential of hurting other people. The thing is, I stay in so much pain that I get to a point I can't handle it and seek out ways to bring me away from the pain. I'm armed with counselors and doctors, but still fall short of being the really good beautiful wholesome person. I've been trying my whole life to be that, but I keep stumbling. Does this keep me from being beautiful, or does my effort at least make me not so ugly?
Jun 30 2013 07:09 PM

Thanks for reading my blog tonight.

I have to agree with you, I think that the trauma left me with some of those behavioral scars you talk about. My therapist asked me to write about beauty in general, and what defines beauty, because I did a drawing that goes with the saying I posted here, and I told her that I don't feel beautiful.

And when I was writing the part about what's inside of someone, and how I see that as beautiful or ugly, I think that when I described inner ugliness, I was thinking mostly of those who abuse, perpetrators.

I have done things too that weigh heavily on me, that I carry much guilt from. And I know that the things I've done are a result of how I have not dealt with the trauma. And I didn't set out intentionally to do them. I think that there is a difference between those things you and I have done, and the things that people do intentionally. The people who are like that, those are the ones who are ugly.

I struggle greatly, as you do, and beat myself up quite regularly. And I would say that I even struggle because of those things to be able to see myself as beautiful instead of ugly. But no, I would say that the things you have done as a result of the trauma you have suffered, those things do not make you ugly, because you keep trying and working on yourself. But I totally understand how you feel. I also feel that I fall short of being a really good and beautiful person.

I hope you can try and be gentle with your self. In all you are doing and going through, you deserve the best. Take care of you. :metoyou:
Hey sweetie, just to let you know, I read your blog and I see your beauty :metoyou: Sometimes we cannot see how beautiful we are or we forget because of our pain and struggles, but I'm here to remind you that you are so beutiful honey :yahoo: <-- so beautiful! xx
I think I understand what you are saying. If someone is trying to work on their actions, and are doing the best they can, then that action is beautiful?

It's those people that don't try that are denying their own beauty?

Is this correct?
Jul 02 2013 12:26 PM
Hey Orchid

I think it's more that I'm talking about the beauty of the person, not their actions. I think, as you say, that if someone, like you or myself, is trying to work on their actions, then they can be beautiful.

The people that are ugly are those that act in a way to hurt others and don't care, or that hurt them on purpose.

I hope that helps. :)

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