[changeofheart]

I isolate myself alot
I smoke
Hurt myself
Bathe in bleach to *clean* myself
Take pills, I think I have an unhealthy addiction to vicodin. It' bad.

[suzystillindarkness]

changeofheart, on Jun 20 2008, 08:05 AM, said:

I isolate myself alot
I smoke
Hurt myself
Bathe in bleach to *clean* myself
Take pills, I think I have an unhealthy addiction to vicodin. It' bad.

Hugs, honey.

I know it's difficult to stop bad habits. I certainly have enough of my own. But the bleach on your skin is not so good. Can you maybe try to dilute it to wean yourself off? And maybe use some moisturizer afterward? You ARE worth it and you are NOT dirty.

[lmv512]

punishing myself with physical activity to the point of exhaustion
smoking
avoidance of all social situations
drinking (only when absolutely necessary)
being jealous of my friends seemingly "normal" lives
insomnia
masochism
taking things too personally
thinking everyone is "out to get me"
ridiculous negative attitude towards virtually everything

But there are some positive and that is what I try to focus on:
my puppy
reading is ALWAYS a great escape
and of course, the one person who genuinely cares about me (too bad theres only one)

[EmbersOfOmega]

- 420 Smoking
- Smoking Cigarettes
- Junk food or starvation, whatever i'm in the "mood" for.
- Keeping busy all the time
- Avoidance
- Deflection
- Letting too many people in who in turn hurt me worse
- Protecting my abuser, with the excuse being "she's my mom"
- Cycles of Negativity that are slowly being swallowed by my natural positive nature.
- Dissociating (Sp?): I space out in the middle of conversations all the time. I never realized this was a coping mechanism. I mean ALL the time.
- I'm 25 but I still act like i'm 9 somedays.

[stealing_wonderland]

- Avoiding any-thing social out-side of physical activity. I won't go to the movies with friends, but will spend four hours at the rink with them.
- Procrastination.
- Fear of failure -- to the point where I won't try any-thing be-cause I don't want to fail at it.
- Falling back in-to ED habits and knowing that I've lost control, but not doing any-thing about it.
- Working out to the point of fainting.
- Avoiding sleep as much as possible -- even though I'm already an insomniac. I feel like I have to punish my-self for different reasons. If I eat after 9.00, I'm not allowed to sleep un-til 2.00 a.m. If I say some-thing hurt-ful to some-one, I'm allowed to sleep only in the corner between my bed and my desk where I can't lay down. If I fail a test, I'm not allowed to sleep un-til I have memorised all the answers to the test, etc.
- Laziness.
- Always smiling. No matter how much I'd rather scream or cry...or do any-thing else other than freakin' smile and pretend every-thing is okay.
- Overly private. Don't share very much with people.
- Immaturity. I hate it, but can't help acting so stupid.
- Exhaustion. Not necessarily a coping mechanism, but I swear...just writing this post is taking every-thing out of me. I'm so tired and keep avoiding doing any-thing (even went to work late twice this week) be-cause of it. I won't go out with friends, call them, interact on-line, etc.
- Take on too much and cause more stress in my life.
- Wishing I could die, but being too afraid of failing at killing my-self to actually go for it.
- Defensive. I feel like I constantly have to defend my-self -- even if the person talking doesn't mean any harm by the remarks s/he makes.
- Avoiding wearing any-thing feminine like make-up, fitted clothing, skirts, nice shoes, etc. It's problematic at work where a dress-code exists and I have such a terrible time adhering to it. And, I'll avoid just about any situation that calls for wearing any-thing out-side of my men's shirts and jeans. I just don't want to send a guy the wrong message.

This post has been edited by stealing_wonderland: 22 June 2009 - 12:27 AM

[cailinrua]

:hug:/> For everyone here for being so honest :hug:/>

Didnt even realise that half of what i do are unhealthy coping mechanisms until I came across this thread.

Ok so here goes:

*over eating/ starving depending on the mood
*spending excess amounts of time online reading about what others have been through
*beating myself up constantly about what I have/haven't done
*trying to trigger myself reading triggering stuff
*Painting on the mask/pretending life is good
*avoiding bed
*drinking to knock myself out
*lying about how I feel
*want attention/someone to put their arms around me and tell me that everything will be ok
*get angry at me for not being able to accept the past/deal wit the past
*pushing my friends away
*want to get on with my life but afriad of whats locked up deep down so while I am in therapy and trying to deal with it am afriad to go too far
*way too sensitive...... take EVERYTHING personally
*lately i prefer being home alone and online rather than with my friends who I know are worried about me

Think I'll stop here for now!!

Caroline

[allthatglitters]

Drinking is my main coping mechanism, but I've cut back a lot! Isolating myself, refusing to trust anyone, being short-tempered, agreeing to sexual activity when I don't want to, oversleeping, under-sleeping, overeating, under-eating... just a few of my more common ones. Ugh.

[yosh]

So this is my first post... and this is the thread for me... for some reason I have always been better at admitting my failures...

Here it all is

Isolation... I have mastered the art! (I am now living on my on so that I can take it a step further even tho it costs me a fortune)
Party time... I have also mastered the art! (Drugs, drinking, casual sex, filling my diary with social engagements so I feel wanted and can avoid) Its always one or the other and not in the span of days but rather months/years.
I am in the isolation stage at the moment, the longest stretch I have had and the most serious... I can go for weeks without a social engagement... if it wasn't for work, I worry that if I was to die it would be weeks before anyone would know...

I work too much... 10 hours a day min more like 12 hours a day. Its easier than going home to my thoughts.
I drink too much... thought I had this one under control... till I made my mind up to post for the first time :P/>
I smoke too much.
I swing between avoiding sleep and then oversleeping, i think the over sleeping has something to do with the overworking.
I forget to eat or over eat (I have lost 6 kilos in the last 2 months...)
I too do the 'I'm fine' thing. It works for those who don't know me... hence the isolation... surround yourself with people who don't really know you and you avoid the question of 'are you really fine?'
Avoidence... yep got this one down. Tax/bills/doctors/dentist... pretty much everything that can be avoided.
I too hate the quiet I fill it with everything, work, T.V. the computer, reading, crosswords... I call it multitasking
but after reading this post I see it for what it is. I have even found a way to avoid the quiet of a shower...
My Ipod docking station now lives in my bathroom! No quiet when you listening to your tunes!
Negative thoughts... *sigh* no one can put me down better than me!
Zone out/Daydream... yep got that. Triggered by clock watching... Can sometimes cause small problems at work :(/>
Self harm... not so much the physical (I do have this thing with clenching my fists until my nails almost make my palms bleed) but more the emotional (see negative thoughts).
'Never let anyone in, ever' Thanks rubyslippers for this one. Never, ever ever!!!
'I never unmask' Thanks Tranquil for this one. Not even sure what is left behind!

Okay so thats the most ever in one sitting... will have to wait and see if it helped.
I am hoping that admitting some of these will make me think twice before I do them again.

This post has been edited by yosh: 07 September 2009 - 07:56 AM

[boo77]

well here is my list

Seeking Approval, spend hours justifying anything I do and needing others to tell me I'm OK.

Drinking (this is a minefield), suddenly I feel like me again and I am happy, relaxed, sociable...then I get caught off guard, I drink myself into oblivion and hate myself for being a useless, irresponsible drunk who doesn't deserve her lovely family! Always resulting in me needing and looking for men to tell me I'm an attractive woman and to want me, pathetic to the sober me. My friends in comparison laugh off a fun night out. This means I prefer to drink alone. This way nobody can judge me and I wont hate myself for behaving in such self destructive ways and then desperately wanting to run away from everyone I know in the aftermath. I was drunk when it happened so trying to work through that guilt.

Pretending I am just fine.

Convincing myself that it might not have actually happened.

Trying to magically become someone else! I have spent the last 10 years trying to change my carefree, easygoing, fun, flirtatious personality believing that If I become a more serious, responsible person then I will be a more worthwhile person. Compounding the belief that this is the reason this terrible thing happened to me. Instead I end up disappointed that I never changed enough. I just end up a faded, sad version of myself.

Putting myself in dangerous situations. Don't know why I do that. Always when drunk. Almost feels like i need to test my boundaries or prove that it must have been my fault after all.

Positive note,

I have stopped drinking completely until a time where I can be sure I am in a better place. Feeling better knowing that I am limiting the harm I can do to myself and the nice sociable glasses of wine can wait.

Wow, feel like I've rambled a bit but good to get that down

Warmest wishes to all

Boo

[MMarie]

Maybe I'm in denial, or maybe I'm just desperate to hang on to my unhealthy coping techniques of choice (disordered eating and excessive exercise), but...

Are unhealthy coping techniques (at least ones that don't put your or anyone else's health/life in immediate danger) really all that bad? As long as they're in moderation, that is? An unhealthy coping technique is still a coping technique. And one way or another, we need to cope.

If smoking a cigarette or two each day keeps you from falling off the deep end at those moments, then isn't a cigarette preferable to a meltdown?
If becoming a "workaholic" keeps your mind occupied and gives you goals and aspirations in life, isn't that preferable to aimlessness and depression?
If a rather stringent diet keeps my mind off the rape, and gives me motivation to continue through my daily life, isn't it preferable to lying around either hysterical or numb all day?

[mamabear]

I want to thank you all for sharing what you have used to cope that doesn't work.
I am a supporter of 2 survivors and just having more knowledge of what to watch out for helps me to direct them to healthier choices - when they are ready of course!

Things I notice, like most of you have mentioned:

cocooning and being alone

relying on one person way too much - that is a lot to ask of someone else, sometimes they have bad days too and need a break.

too much TV or Computer time.

Denial - this is the one I understand the least, but clinging to it seems to get one of my girls thru the day lately. She wants to believe it was just a BAD JOKE someone made up after she passed out instead of knowing she was drugged and just doesn't know what happened.

[beckilucy]

ive been drinking too much lately definitely. i dont know how to cut it down. i drink alone which is really bad.

[beckilucy]

woah.. pretty similar to mine!!!

boo77, on 13 January 2010 - 05:03 PM, said:

well here is my list

Seeking Approval, spend hours justifying anything I do and needing others to tell me I'm OK.

Drinking (this is a minefield), suddenly I feel like me again and I am happy, relaxed, sociable...then I get caught off guard, I drink myself into oblivion and hate myself for being a useless, irresponsible drunk who doesn't deserve her lovely family! Always resulting in me needing and looking for men to tell me I'm an attractive woman and to want me, pathetic to the sober me. My friends in comparison laugh off a fun night out. This means I prefer to drink alone. This way nobody can judge me and I wont hate myself for behaving in such self destructive ways and then desperately wanting to run away from everyone I know in the aftermath. I was drunk when it happened so trying to work through that guilt.

Pretending I am just fine.

Convincing myself that it might not have actually happened.

Trying to magically become someone else! I have spent the last 10 years trying to change my carefree, easygoing, fun, flirtatious personality believing that If I become a more serious, responsible person then I will be a more worthwhile person. Compounding the belief that this is the reason this terrible thing happened to me. Instead I end up disappointed that I never changed enough. I just end up a faded, sad version of myself.

Putting myself in dangerous situations. Don't know why I do that. Always when drunk. Almost feels like i need to test my boundaries or prove that it must have been my fault after all.

Positive note,

I have stopped drinking completely until a time where I can be sure I am in a better place. Feeling better knowing that I am limiting the harm I can do to myself and the nice sociable glasses of wine can wait.

Wow, feel like I've rambled a bit but good to get that down

Warmest wishes to all

Boo

[Toffa_Mahli]

I tend to avoid friends and family.
I used to be a cutter, and the urge has hit a few times in the past few months. Am trying to ignore it.
I clam up when I am upset because I don't want to be thought of as weak and I hate pity.
I tend to brood about things that upset me.
I get irritable when people point out that I brood.
I refuse to cry even when I think I should be able to. It's that whole weak thing again.

[SynergyMind01]

Although it's manifested itself in several, several ways....

HIDING

Emotionally, avoidance, coming up with "explanations", refusal, pushing others away...

Although it's done wonders in getting me this far, it's probably also my most troublesome coping mechanism as well. It's time to start shedding the layers, one step at a time.