Help
the biggest betryal was to myself, i put up a wall and acted like as if never happend
my secound betrayal is letting it happen again, its so hard felt so powerless so degraded
my third betrayal is to my mum who i never told, ive shared everything in my lyf not this i just cant do it cant hiurt in that way
my forth betrayal is when my father asked what was going on i lied cold blue in the face
my fifth betrayal is to my partner he has know idea what i carry on my shoulders everyday
the worst betrayal is to myself for not willing to accept it happend even now i kid myself, it never goes away no matter who's arms your in and that i will have to carry with me all my life alone a void that i cannot fill
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5 worst betrayals how did you work through them?
#47
Posted 21 December 2008 - 10:51 AM
1. the ex. who is the reason i'm here---still working on getting through that
2. my best friend of ten years who my family took in and supported for 3 years and who then not only didn't help me, but contributed majorly to lowering my self-esteem over those 3 years, sprend rumors about me allover school, and made things even worse
3. one of the only actual friends i had during the relationship (all the others were really his friends), who told me, when i went to him about my ex. treating me badly, told me that he was just like that and it wasn't a big deal
4. the other people who were around when it was happen (like in the same room/car) and never tried to stop it or even tell me something was wrong
5. Parents. never taught me how i should be treated. not just in this case either, but never tried to make things better when i had sexist teachers and classmates who couldn't stand a girl who was smarter than them without trying.
2. my best friend of ten years who my family took in and supported for 3 years and who then not only didn't help me, but contributed majorly to lowering my self-esteem over those 3 years, sprend rumors about me allover school, and made things even worse
3. one of the only actual friends i had during the relationship (all the others were really his friends), who told me, when i went to him about my ex. treating me badly, told me that he was just like that and it wasn't a big deal
4. the other people who were around when it was happen (like in the same room/car) and never tried to stop it or even tell me something was wrong
5. Parents. never taught me how i should be treated. not just in this case either, but never tried to make things better when i had sexist teachers and classmates who couldn't stand a girl who was smarter than them without trying.
#48
Posted 16 July 2009 - 12:19 PM
-The worst betrayal was by the boy who hurt me, because I thought he was my friend, and I looked up to him and trusted him. He was older than me and he told me that going out of bounds at recess wouldn't matter and then he hurt me and my friend.
-I feel like I betrayed myself and my friend when I didn't go for help while I had the chance.
-I feel like I betrayed myself and my friend when I didn't go for help while I had the chance.
#49
Posted 25 August 2009 - 04:24 AM
Great and necessary thread!
One of my sisters betrayed me tremendously as she orchestrated, then watched as her boyfriend (14 yrs old) raped me on my bedroom floor. She stood at the doorway and glared at me w/a hatred and a callousness in her eyes that burned into mine. My eyes pleaded for her help, and she did nothing. I was 8 years old.
My family does not know (29 yrs later). She and I don't speak of it. I honestly don't even know if she remembers. She spent my entire childhood abusing me physically, verbally and psychologically. I lived in a state of constant fear...terror really.
She forever changed the connotation of the word sister.
One of my sisters betrayed me tremendously as she orchestrated, then watched as her boyfriend (14 yrs old) raped me on my bedroom floor. She stood at the doorway and glared at me w/a hatred and a callousness in her eyes that burned into mine. My eyes pleaded for her help, and she did nothing. I was 8 years old.
My family does not know (29 yrs later). She and I don't speak of it. I honestly don't even know if she remembers. She spent my entire childhood abusing me physically, verbally and psychologically. I lived in a state of constant fear...terror really.
She forever changed the connotation of the word sister.
#50
Posted 30 November 2009 - 01:15 AM
my sister's husband, who i had known since i was 7 raped me in their home as my 8 and 4 year old nieces slept upstairs. My sister, who had always been my best friend drove me to the hospital and saw me self-destruct in the following years. she chose to stay with him. i haven't spoken to her since, they're having a baby at the end of december. my parents want me to talk to her, they think i should forgive and forget. they want me to "let it go" and "get over it." they go to visit, and eat dinner with him, and sleep in the bed where it happened. I don't know if i will ever really forgive them.
#51
Posted 30 November 2009 - 10:13 AM
Someone mentioned there mom sharing details of her sex life with them... my mom did/does that too. And when I dare(!) get mad she says; "You're so immature." Um, she shared graphic details of her sex life with her 11-year-old!
#52
Posted 13 January 2010 - 07:51 PM
I don't know maybe this is stupid. My worst betrayal is from the man who assaulted me. He was my uncle for god sakes. I was 9 years old. I'm just not sure how the uncle i loved could have done that to me. I mean he still tries to be part of my life but now that i know what happened, never.
Krisitn
Krisitn
#53
Posted 14 January 2010 - 10:52 AM
Goodness there are so many,
friends for making light of my rape and making me feel like i overreacted.
bf for saying that if I was a more responsible person it would never have happened and forcing me to go to the police, "if i really was sorry and loved him" then phoning the guy to make himself feel better as i begged him not too.
acquaintances for calling me a liar or continuing to speak to this guy.
the police for making me feel like the guilty one then not telling me what they had decided to do with the case. the interviewed a the guy and my friends after me but never responded to my report. that was 10 years ago and i never contacted them again through fear of opening the wound. this has left me feeling like i was to blame and my rape was not even worthy of their time. how can you heal with things left so open?
hopefully i will find some closure hear
Boo
friends for making light of my rape and making me feel like i overreacted.
bf for saying that if I was a more responsible person it would never have happened and forcing me to go to the police, "if i really was sorry and loved him" then phoning the guy to make himself feel better as i begged him not too.
acquaintances for calling me a liar or continuing to speak to this guy.
the police for making me feel like the guilty one then not telling me what they had decided to do with the case. the interviewed a the guy and my friends after me but never responded to my report. that was 10 years ago and i never contacted them again through fear of opening the wound. this has left me feeling like i was to blame and my rape was not even worthy of their time. how can you heal with things left so open?
hopefully i will find some closure hear
Boo
#54
Posted 21 January 2010 - 03:25 PM
I may use some not-so-polite words, but it's all I've got when it comes to talking about my cousin.
#1 - I had this dress. It was navy blue, with little white words all over it, reading "I am a good girl." It had a little matching purse. My jerk-off teenage cousin would constantly harass me when I wore it, saying, "That's wrong, it should say, 'I am a bad girl. I am a bad girl.'" For years I believed it, and thought that my secret made me a freak, or dirty in comparison to everyone around me.
#2 - I thought he was going to marry me. Talk about messing a kid up in the head. While the abuse was going on, I thought it was okay, because I loved him and he was going to marry me.
#3 - I never got any help. It was the 1970's, and most people didn't talk about sexual abuse then. While my cousin was toted off to a psychologist (who pronounced that his accusers were 'projecting' responsibility for the abuse onto him), I was told that it wasn't my fault. That was it. There ya' go, kid...have a nice life.
Thanks, this thread has been helpful in organizing some of my hardest issues.
#1 - I had this dress. It was navy blue, with little white words all over it, reading "I am a good girl." It had a little matching purse. My jerk-off teenage cousin would constantly harass me when I wore it, saying, "That's wrong, it should say, 'I am a bad girl. I am a bad girl.'" For years I believed it, and thought that my secret made me a freak, or dirty in comparison to everyone around me.
#2 - I thought he was going to marry me. Talk about messing a kid up in the head. While the abuse was going on, I thought it was okay, because I loved him and he was going to marry me.
#3 - I never got any help. It was the 1970's, and most people didn't talk about sexual abuse then. While my cousin was toted off to a psychologist (who pronounced that his accusers were 'projecting' responsibility for the abuse onto him), I was told that it wasn't my fault. That was it. There ya' go, kid...have a nice life.
Thanks, this thread has been helpful in organizing some of my hardest issues.
#55
Posted 21 February 2010 - 03:34 PM
1. my uncle using my need for protection to get sexual benifits when he should of been protecting me not hurting me more
2. my mother for all the yrs of hurt and pain
3. my husbane for all the yrs of abuse
4. when my mother was so calous about my miscarages and stillbirth to my bueatiful son, i broke down at the grave of my son and phisicaly couldent get up at the funeral, and my mother was sitting there saying come on kristy get up and hurry up the man wants to fill in the hole. and when i miscarried, she was asking the doctor where i was in the room with her and could here her aying did she miscarage because she eats so much junk food.
5. my mum when i was a very little girl, acusing me of having an afair with my father. i was suposed to be too young to even know what she was talking about, but i knew because i was already having sexual relations with my uncle. i felt so used and dirty and broken when she acused me of that. and it tainted the love i had for my father.
2. my mother for all the yrs of hurt and pain
3. my husbane for all the yrs of abuse
4. when my mother was so calous about my miscarages and stillbirth to my bueatiful son, i broke down at the grave of my son and phisicaly couldent get up at the funeral, and my mother was sitting there saying come on kristy get up and hurry up the man wants to fill in the hole. and when i miscarried, she was asking the doctor where i was in the room with her and could here her aying did she miscarage because she eats so much junk food.
5. my mum when i was a very little girl, acusing me of having an afair with my father. i was suposed to be too young to even know what she was talking about, but i knew because i was already having sexual relations with my uncle. i felt so used and dirty and broken when she acused me of that. and it tainted the love i had for my father.
#56
Posted 02 April 2010 - 01:48 PM
One of the first people I told about my rape was a teacher at my school. My rapist was another teacher. She was really wonderful and talked to me and helped me tell my parents. But when the CPS said they couldn't prosecute I think she thought I was lying all along. I saw her a couple of weeks after he was allowed back at school, laughing with him whilst on bus duty. That hurt. I never spoke to her again.
#57
Posted 03 April 2010 - 05:11 PM
This is my first post...I'm kind of nervous.
A father is supposed to be somebody you look for to guide you, to protect you, and to show you what's right and wrong. Well, my father raped me constantly as a 5 and 6 year old child. I was betrayed by someone who should have treated me better.
I also was betrayed by my oldest brother. He molested me when I was 8.
I also feel betrayed somewhat by my mother. She should have known what was going on. My father raped me 3 or 4 times a week. I don't know how she didn't realize he was getting out of bed with her to rape me. My friend thinks she was in denial.
A father is supposed to be somebody you look for to guide you, to protect you, and to show you what's right and wrong. Well, my father raped me constantly as a 5 and 6 year old child. I was betrayed by someone who should have treated me better.
I also was betrayed by my oldest brother. He molested me when I was 8.
I also feel betrayed somewhat by my mother. She should have known what was going on. My father raped me 3 or 4 times a week. I don't know how she didn't realize he was getting out of bed with her to rape me. My friend thinks she was in denial.
#58
Posted 07 April 2010 - 04:37 AM
even tho thye came around after awile, my dad's reaction at first really stung. but my 19 year brothers was the worst. after i realized that i had been date r*ped, and just how aful and serious it was, she called my dad. his first reaction wasnt 'is she ok?" or anything, it was the typical gguy response (sorry im just angry at all guys right now) 'why didnt she go to the police sooner'. ARGH!! my brothers rxn was bad to. he said if the court thinks im lying if this goes to trial, i would go to jail. why would someone lie about being r*ped. it made me feel awful. the worst thing is he called me in the er to telll me that, can u believe it? ouch!
#59
- Kicking arsenic
- Group: Administrator
- Posts: 15,507
- Joined: 15-November 01
Posted 07 April 2010 - 04:48 AM
Musikalgeak, on 03 April 2010 - 05:11 PM, said:
This is my first post...I'm kind of nervous.
A father is supposed to be somebody you look for to guide you, to protect you, and to show you what's right and wrong. Well, my father raped me constantly as a 5 and 6 year old child. I was betrayed by someone who should have treated me better.
I also was betrayed by my oldest brother. He molested me when I was 8.
I also feel betrayed somewhat by my mother. She should have known what was going on. My father raped me 3 or 4 times a week. I don't know how she didn't realize he was getting out of bed with her to rape me. My friend thinks she was in denial.
A father is supposed to be somebody you look for to guide you, to protect you, and to show you what's right and wrong. Well, my father raped me constantly as a 5 and 6 year old child. I was betrayed by someone who should have treated me better.
I also was betrayed by my oldest brother. He molested me when I was 8.
I also feel betrayed somewhat by my mother. She should have known what was going on. My father raped me 3 or 4 times a week. I don't know how she didn't realize he was getting out of bed with her to rape me. My friend thinks she was in denial.
Musikalgeak - I hope it's okay to offer you a :hug:/>
I was sexually abused as a child but it was not my father. I have always wondered how my fellow survivors survive such a terrible violation; it's the worst betrayal I can imagine and I take my hat off to their - YOUR - strength. I hope you'll use this forum for support, hon, there are many members like you here.
Take care
Louise
#60
- Kicking arsenic
- Group: Administrator
- Posts: 15,507
- Joined: 15-November 01
Posted 07 April 2010 - 04:51 AM
becky1287, on 07 April 2010 - 04:37 AM, said:
even tho thye came around after awile, my dad's reaction at first really stung. but my 19 year brothers was the worst. after i realized that i had been date r*ped, and just how aful and serious it was, she called my dad. his first reaction wasnt 'is she ok?" or anything, it was the typical gguy response (sorry im just angry at all guys right now) 'why didnt she go to the police sooner'. ARGH!! my brothers rxn was bad to. he said if the court thinks im lying if this goes to trial, i would go to jail. why would someone lie about being r*ped. it made me feel awful. the worst thing is he called me in the er to telll me that, can u believe it? ouch!
Wow, Becky, your brother called you in the ER to tell you what would happen "if" you were lying??? That must have been horrible, sweetheart. You'll never cop anything like that here.
Take care
Lou x
