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Odd Space

Posted by YoursTruly , 12 February 2012 · 29 views

These past few weeks have been of so bizarre to me I don't know what/how exactly I feel. Since my last T session two weeks ago, I've scored the highest scores I've ever had for depression, anxiety, hostility, etc except for drinking since I started T sessions 3 years ago. Although I am internally struggling with the drinking one (At one point I use to drink myself to sleep when I couldn't sleep on my own). I feel like I don't sleep anymore, I barely eat, am starting to feel like I am running on fumes and am starting to isolate myself from other people. Even though I know my behavior is wrong and alarming, I can't seem to feel like there is anything wrong with me. I feel like I am making this up and am just whining about my past and personal life.

I don't know. The best way I think I can describe where I am at right now is just numb. I feel numb and I am watching myself go through the motions of my daily life although inside I feel like I am struggling to be present in the moment and move on with my life. I am asking myself questions that only I know the answers, but I can't hear my replies. "Why do I bother?" "Who really cares about me?" "What is the point of trying to be better?"




Your behavior is not 'wrong'. It is behavior created by depression. It is not whining in trying to heal some major life altering issues.

I ask myself the same questions you do. I figure I am still standing so I must have some purpose even when I don't know what it is yet. I exist therefore I have worth even when it does not feel like it. So do you. It is hard. Be kind and gentle with yourself. You deserve it.

Blessings
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*Danielle1990*
Feb 23 2012 05:17 AM
i hope you get the help you need/deserve,,you must want it,
if your blogging about these things to us :D
i am here to help you get through this rough time.
i hope you can talk to your T about this, and maybe they
can help you get some information about some things to do.
i have been in the same position as you,with asking the
same questions to myself,,but i am learning,,slowly,,but
learning that i am worth the time and effort,and that i do
want to feel better,and i don't want to drag others along
for the ride,,not that your doing that,,i was meaning myself
for the dragging..just so you know..no worries..

well i'm here if you wanna talk..

love you,
danielle :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hi5: :hi5: :D :D

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