just want to be happy

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just want to be happy

04 February 2013

Posted by bellaroo

Even though im in the greatest household!!! I still feel so alone...I dont want to feel this way anymore. I dont want to feel this anger..I just want to feel healed. Im broken. Im ruined....I dont see how anyone would want to be involved in my life because im sooo much work. I just hate this I feel so depressed and down...all I want is to feel happy...thats it!!!! I dont need to be rich, i dont need anything specific, for god sake i just want to be happy :bawling:/>

tomorrow is one month since alex has been gone. I feel so much sadness my heart is empty...maybe thats why ive lost my care...will i get that back? I just want to be the caring person i was before all of this unraveled.

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1 Comments On This Entry

Bellaroo,
I completely understand how you feel.
It happened in my bathroom when I was 10 years old, and I recently went to the hospital for depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Before I got out, I told my parents that I couldn't go home, and I just can't stand being here looking into the bathroom that I use everyday where it happened. I begged them, but plans fell through like every other time. I got out and everyday I just got worse and worse having to be home. On top of having an ex addict as a boyfriend. Yeah everything wasn't working for me. However recently a great guy walked into my life, one that I never expected nor asked for nor was looking for, but he was my angel because he was not like any other guy I have dated. He has his own house and an amazing pay job and everything going for him, well, we have gotten really close and he says his home is my home too and I thank God that he blessed me with and angel. What I am getting at is things will cross your path the least expected, but just keep your head up as high as you can and trust in yourself that you will get past your hardships, and if not then really seek help for yourself. I knew I always needed help, more then a therapist, but I always told myself that I was strong and I can do it on my own, but inside I really couldn't. I know you will get past this funk that you feel at home, and you miss this boy and everything feels like you just want to end life. But in reality, there really is a light at the end of the tunnel, yes I still have bad days were I feel terrible, but I have been having a lot more good, because I have held my chin high. What is "happy" anyways? We all have our own definition, because it is just an emotion. You have to find it within yourself and seek whatever it is that makes you happy. I promise you though sitting around the house doesn't help, trust me I've done it. Keep yourself busy and moving and things will fall into place. Focus on the small things for the big things will come together as they are supposed to.