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Now my parents know :/

Posted by kjw9311 , 09 February 2012 · 16 views

Last night, I don't know what happened to me, but I met my rapist again. And yeah, we had sex, again. But before we did anything we just sat in the car and talked, like real friends do. Since my break up with my ex i haven't had as many friends, he was one of them i trusted...but....yeah. :/ I had been texting one of my girl friends at the time, and told her that I was with a guy...she knew without my saying that i was with him-and she called my parents. So i had to stand there, last night, in front of my parents, and tell them the whole story (minus the rape and the fact that I slept with his friend as well). I almost went to the hospital last night, and now they took away my cell phone so the 3 people I actually could talk to, to make me feel better and not so dead, I cant talk to anymore....

I know, it was my own fault. But seriously? I had the best night last night. Yeah, he should have scared me and yes, I had to lie to be with him, but when he talked I completely understood where he was coming from, and I felt relaxed. There were no drugs or alcohol involved and I still enjoying being around him....I just dont understand why I'm always being punished. Yes, I understand my friend did an incredibly hard thing by calling my parents, and I know she's a true friend. But my parents punishing me and taking everything I need to survive (phone and music) after having confessed to them?! Not fair.

But yeah, now I'm all alone without friends, bf, job...yup...and now my self-esteem is worse-getting yelled at and being called selfish for doing what i did last night reaaaally made me feel good :/

I guess that's it...I'm just bored haha nothing to do anymore. Yeah....*sigh* whatever.



take care of yourself.
Hmm...I feel you're very confused. I don't feel you're ready to listen to anyone yet but the thoughts in your head. From what you've said, it's obvious your parents care about you. I'm not telling you what to do, but I feel if you allowed yourself to listen (truly listen) to what others are telling you...you'll realize some things and find your way out of the maze you've created.

Find your inner voice...you're not listening to her.

Take care...
Ciao...xo,
Szilvia

April 2014

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