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When loss is so near, and so heavy, I have a tendency to dissociate. If left to my own devices, I could just float off the planet :)/>
There are times that I do what I call, scheduled dissociation........but, today, I just wanted to say that I stayed grounded even though I was in physical and emotional pain. The loss of my soul dog has been so hard for me and many of my people inside. My dog and I would sit outside and both of us would turn our faces to the wind. His nose would be taking in the scents and I would just try to feel the wind on my skin. I could pet him and stay in this reality and not get sent back into a traumatic memory that has been etched into my cells. It is hard without him. I have to do these things on my own now. But, today, I also wrote in my journal, made a collage, played with paints and pastels! I am so proud that I am taking care of my collective this way, instead of turning to more destructive and familiar ways of handling pain. I shall be free of the ritual abuse..........one day at a time.
There are times that I do what I call, scheduled dissociation........but, today, I just wanted to say that I stayed grounded even though I was in physical and emotional pain. The loss of my soul dog has been so hard for me and many of my people inside. My dog and I would sit outside and both of us would turn our faces to the wind. His nose would be taking in the scents and I would just try to feel the wind on my skin. I could pet him and stay in this reality and not get sent back into a traumatic memory that has been etched into my cells. It is hard without him. I have to do these things on my own now. But, today, I also wrote in my journal, made a collage, played with paints and pastels! I am so proud that I am taking care of my collective this way, instead of turning to more destructive and familiar ways of handling pain. I shall be free of the ritual abuse..........one day at a time.
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I'm sorry that you are going through a hard time I. Hope. Thibgs will get better soon
tree1,
06 September 2010 - 10:05 PM
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