All I'm saying is Jesus didn't save me
But I digress. The point is that one of their favorite punishments was making me write Bible verses over and over. It got to where I could quote many of them from memory. Sometimes they were related to what I was being punished for, but sometimes it was just a point they were trying to drive home. Many of them talked about God/Jesus/HS/whatever protecting us from evil. That always caught my attention. I was being subjected to evil, therefore Jesus would protect me. This was around the third grade. I started praying for protection. I imagined Jesus descending from heaven and chasing my abusers away. I imagined him picking me up and carrying me off somewhere safe. I imagined the bruises and the scars and the bad feelings all over my body disappearing when he touched me, because he could heal people with a single touch, right? Even accidentally.
And it never came. He never protected me, no matter what I did or how good I tried to be. Who did protect me was the dark lady who came to me when I closed my eyes and wanted to get away. When she came, I stopped feeling everything. Maybe that's what attracted me to Paganism.