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The irony of it all!

Posted by SilverandBlue , 02 April 2014 · 202 views

I didn't get much physical affection when I was young. Nor tons of praise. I know this is how today's kids are raised, because I am a nanny, and also work with special needs children. I have learned to give praise, and affection to the kids I care for. They need it when they are hurting.
But it's so ironic that it's so hard to accept for myself! I see myself as "not needing it anymore" I should be able to handle a lack of physical contact, a lack of touch, I should be able to live just fine without hugs all the time. Yet I am so much happier when someone gives me a hug! A child, running up to me all excited, and throwing themselves on me is just the greatest thing. It instantly makes me so much happier :)
And even today, I purposely brought myself back in my memories, tortured myself on purpose so that I could get to the bottom of a worrisome detail. I waited to do it in T, because I knew I probably would need help coming back and calming down. And boy did I ever! I came out of it on my own, all at once. almost hysterical, panicking and absolutely terrified. I didn't even have to ask for T to come sit next to me. I rejected her touch at first today, but she wouldn't let me be, and it helped. At the end I finally got the courage to ask for a hug, and she almost squealed she was so happy I asked! I don't think I've ever had someone hug me so thoroughly. But it was so nice to feel safe and cared for, for once. I almost choked she was squeezing me so hard. She was the one half crying. I think the fact that she was so happy to give that hug, and so happy I asked is even more comforting than the hug itself. 
So why can't I do this with my mom?? She's my mom! I know she loves me, more than anyone else, and cares about me moe than anyone else. Even T can't come close to that. So why can I ask my therapist for a hug, but not my own mother?? That's just backward. So messed up. Funny though, I don't wish my T was my mom. I really don't. I would hate her as my mom. My mom works just fine,but just doesn't read my thoughts as well as T does. Or is it that I share more with T...? I dunno.
 
And to think, my next appointment isn't for 2 weeks! I really can not cave and make one for this next week. I must not! I must save money!



So why can I ask my therapist for a hug, but not my own mother??

 

 

I think it is because you fear rejection. You might not be asking because you can't deal with the possibility. Your therapist is important to you. But there are plenty of therapists out there. Lots can take the place of your current one. But you only have one mother. 

 

At least this is the way I would feel.

 

A few sessions ago I really needed a hug. But there was no way that I could ask for that. 

 

 

 

My mom works just fine,but just doesn't read my thoughts as well as T does. Or is it that I share more with T...? I dunno.

 

 

This is what they do. At least if you have a good therapist/client match. They listen. Not just with their ears. They watch us. How we sit. How we move. Small things that most people don't notice. On top of that they are sensitive to how we feel. All of that goes in. And they try to figure out what we need. How to help. But it is a two way street. We get back from them as well. Trust, safety, understanding, acceptance.

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SilverandBlue
Apr 03 2014 02:24 PM

My mom would give me a hug in a heartbeat if I asked, that much I know. But I just do not feel comfortable doing it. It would be weird, because I never do that, it would be extremely out of the ordinary.

 

I'm sorry you couldn't ask for a hug when you needed it, I know how that feels

 

 

 

 

 

My mom works just fine,but just doesn't read my thoughts as well as T does. Or is it that I share more with T...? I dunno.

 

 

This is what they do. At least if you have a good therapist/client match. They listen. Not just with their ears. They watch us. How we sit. How we move. Small things that most people don't notice. On top of that they are sensitive to how we feel. All of that goes in. And they try to figure out what we need. How to help. But it is a two way street. We get back from them as well. Trust, safety, understanding, acceptance.

 

 

I agree so completely on that one.  I thought I was really good at not showing emotion or covering things up when I want to.  My T finally started commenting on my body and how I move my foot, legs, walk into the room, etc.   It's made me aware of my own emotions and also helps me communicate with my T- even if I can't tell how I am feeling or don't recognize I am upset she will notice and remind me to take it easy. 

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