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Posted by Arietta_Sashrady , 10 September 2012 · 52 views

I've actually been really well. I've pulled a lot of things back together. I'm writing on a semi-professional level now. It's a very healing thing, to do something good for yourself in which the people who hurt you have no part.

The relationship with my family is still a big sticking point, though. My mom basically refuses to acknowledge the CSA from my stepdad happened in any way, shape or form. Even an angry e-mail to the effect was promptly ignored. She stalks me around the Internet, desperate to talk to me, even though she will never talk about THAT.

All I want for her to do at this point is acknowledge that I suffered at the hands of my stepdad. I don't even need an apology, I'm not looking to drag them through the mud. I just want her to say. "Yeah, it happened. It shouldn't have."

I don't feel I can have a relationship with her without that (he doesn't contact really, he's not computer savvy and I'm a long way away). I'm just tired of feeling like she doesn't believe me, or that she does, but what I went through was normal or it didn't matter (honestly, I have no idea what she thinks). What really hurt this week was the e-mail response I got to my attempt to communicate which basically accused me of hurting him by not sending gifts or contacting. You've got to be kidding me, right? He couldn't keep to himself and *I'm* the bad guy?

No, no, I don't think so. I don't think so at all. I used to live with these minimizing comments at home, but I'm not doing it any more.

I think what hurts the most is that she claims to love me, but not enough to acknowledge my suffering. She'll protect him until either one of them dies. I believe in loyalty, but not the twisted kind she's come up with.

Still, it hurts. She made me feel like nothing.



April 2014

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