Help
I'm not much of a writer,talking about it takes up more energy than anything it seems, so my coping technique is to work with my animals and spend time with them. The first few days afterwards the only things that saved me were going out to do chores and riding my horses. They are the only things I'm not afraid to get close with and the only ones I still trust. Even if you don't live somewhere where you can have pets go down to a local shelter or pet store you may be amazed at what the healing power those animals have. I hope this wasn't to much of a cliche.
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How do you cope?
#17
- Grrr
- Group: Member
- Posts: 2,580
- Joined: 24-January 10
Posted 07 July 2010 - 12:30 PM
2ndchance, on 07 July 2010 - 10:11 AM, said:
I'm not much of a writer,talking about it takes up more energy than anything it seems, so my coping technique is to work with my animals and spend time with them. The first few days afterwards the only things that saved me were going out to do chores and riding my horses. They are the only things I'm not afraid to get close with and the only ones I still trust. Even if you don't live somewhere where you can have pets go down to a local shelter or pet store you may be amazed at what the healing power those animals have. I hope this wasn't to much of a cliche.
I'm glad you have your animals. I would love a dog but am not in a position to have one, but just imagining/planning having a dog can calm me down.
What bad feelings do you experience? Are you dealing with anger, sadness, depression? Can you say why?
Grief, grief, grief at everything I lost and missed out on.
Depression... this one I don't understand properly. I had depression for years when I had amnesia about what happened but after I remembered I thought that was due to the effort of keeping the memories squashed down. Now I have it again, but I have the memories too.
Anxiety. Working a lot on this.
More importantly, what positive attributes and strengths do you bring with you as you cope with your experience? Are you a good communicator? Are you able to simply sit and feel your emotions? Can you ask for help when you need it?
I don't give up. I don't know why, but I just won't give up.
On a good day, I'll try to look at the emotions instead of blocking them. On a good day, I'll try to see myself with compassion.
In what positive ways do you deal with your emotions? Do you paint, draw, write or talk?
I make collages with magazine pictures, or draw, or cut out a picture that expresses how I'm feeling and stick that in my sketch book.
I write (journalling and writing from the subconscious). I keep a dream diary and write about my dreams.
I post here on pandys :dancingpanda:/> . There's a healing exercise thread where you write about a feeling - what's it like, if it made a noise what noise would it make etc. That really helps me.
I do little symbolic rituals, like lighting a candle for myself when I'm overcome with sadness.
#18
- Group: Member
- Posts: 625
- Joined: 27-April 07
Posted 18 May 2013 - 01:19 PM
I cope by exercising it really helps the harder the better
#19
- Group: Member
- Posts: 1,116
- Joined: 15-March 13
Posted 18 May 2013 - 06:08 PM
What bad feelings do you experience? Are you dealing with anger, sadness, depression? Can you say why?
Right now it's like all these old feelings are leaking out of me. Anger, sadness, grief, frustration, feelings I couldn't feel at the time, trickling out bit by bit. I feel really hopeless and miserable at times, but it has to come out.
More importantly, what positive attributes and strengths do you bring with you as you cope with your experience? Are you a good communicator? Are you able to simply sit and feel your emotions? Can you ask for help when you need it?
Carrying on even when it's hard. I'm some kind of trooper or something. I think I'm kind, too, and I ask for help sometimes from my closest friends, and I offer help as well. When I'm feeling low, sometimes I reach out to my friends, ask how they are, and remind myself that I'm not just a pointless, useless nothing but I actually mean something to people.
In what positive ways do you deal with your emotions? Do you paint, draw, write or talk?
I write and play guitar. I also use a lot of distraction, like Sudoku which is great for occupying the mind, and I read a lot. I do Zumba, and I also like to play music loudly and sing along while washing up, cheers me up no end for some reason. My cat helps as well, it's very therapeutic sitting stroking him and the pure, innocent joy of watching a kitten chase a ribbon is really something.
Right now it's like all these old feelings are leaking out of me. Anger, sadness, grief, frustration, feelings I couldn't feel at the time, trickling out bit by bit. I feel really hopeless and miserable at times, but it has to come out.
More importantly, what positive attributes and strengths do you bring with you as you cope with your experience? Are you a good communicator? Are you able to simply sit and feel your emotions? Can you ask for help when you need it?
Carrying on even when it's hard. I'm some kind of trooper or something. I think I'm kind, too, and I ask for help sometimes from my closest friends, and I offer help as well. When I'm feeling low, sometimes I reach out to my friends, ask how they are, and remind myself that I'm not just a pointless, useless nothing but I actually mean something to people.
In what positive ways do you deal with your emotions? Do you paint, draw, write or talk?
I write and play guitar. I also use a lot of distraction, like Sudoku which is great for occupying the mind, and I read a lot. I do Zumba, and I also like to play music loudly and sing along while washing up, cheers me up no end for some reason. My cat helps as well, it's very therapeutic sitting stroking him and the pure, innocent joy of watching a kitten chase a ribbon is really something.
#20
Posted 25 May 2013 - 01:47 AM
Hey all, I'm brand-new to this site, and I've been in a bine -
The abuse by my stepfather lasted about six months, during which time there was no real way (at least one I could see) to cope with that. It was terrible, I don't feel like i have to go into detail about something most of you have probably experienced yourself. After he was removed from my house, there was no need for coping - there was no numbness, or lack of pain, but rather more a lack of emotional memory. I felt no sadness, no fear and no anger. I FELT as if it had never happened in the first place, though I KNEW it did.
Then a month ago he tried to break into my house, and it was like Pandora's box was openned. I have always been an unusually strong person - i am a great coper, talented both at distraction, communication, and simply embracing my feelings - but since this happened a month ago I've listed up countless triggers, I feel sadness, anger toward everyone (except for him, he's just a natural disaster), worthlessness, and I think I'm becoming depressed. I'm incredibly tired all the time, incredibly sad all the time, and tense about what random trigger will come next and how it will make me react. I have no clue why any emotional reaction has come so delayed. But I see myself falling and I don't know what to do about it - I had more control during the actual abuse than I do now. Any advice?
~ash
The abuse by my stepfather lasted about six months, during which time there was no real way (at least one I could see) to cope with that. It was terrible, I don't feel like i have to go into detail about something most of you have probably experienced yourself. After he was removed from my house, there was no need for coping - there was no numbness, or lack of pain, but rather more a lack of emotional memory. I felt no sadness, no fear and no anger. I FELT as if it had never happened in the first place, though I KNEW it did.
Then a month ago he tried to break into my house, and it was like Pandora's box was openned. I have always been an unusually strong person - i am a great coper, talented both at distraction, communication, and simply embracing my feelings - but since this happened a month ago I've listed up countless triggers, I feel sadness, anger toward everyone (except for him, he's just a natural disaster), worthlessness, and I think I'm becoming depressed. I'm incredibly tired all the time, incredibly sad all the time, and tense about what random trigger will come next and how it will make me react. I have no clue why any emotional reaction has come so delayed. But I see myself falling and I don't know what to do about it - I had more control during the actual abuse than I do now. Any advice?
~ash
#21
Posted 08 June 2013 - 04:34 AM
rosiej~9, on 25 May 2013 - 01:47 AM, said:
Hey all, I'm brand-new to this site, and I've been in a bine -
The abuse by my stepfather lasted about six months, during which time there was no real way (at least one I could see) to cope with that. It was terrible, I don't feel like i have to go into detail about something most of you have probably experienced yourself. After he was removed from my house, there was no need for coping - there was no numbness, or lack of pain, but rather more a lack of emotional memory. I felt no sadness, no fear and no anger. I FELT as if it had never happened in the first place, though I KNEW it did.
Then a month ago he tried to break into my house, and it was like Pandora's box was openned. I have always been an unusually strong person - i am a great coper, talented both at distraction, communication, and simply embracing my feelings - but since this happened a month ago I've listed up countless triggers, I feel sadness, anger toward everyone (except for him, he's just a natural disaster), worthlessness, and I think I'm becoming depressed. I'm incredibly tired all the time, incredibly sad all the time, and tense about what random trigger will come next and how it will make me react. I have no clue why any emotional reaction has come so delayed. But I see myself falling and I don't know what to do about it - I had more control during the actual abuse than I do now. Any advice?
~ash
The abuse by my stepfather lasted about six months, during which time there was no real way (at least one I could see) to cope with that. It was terrible, I don't feel like i have to go into detail about something most of you have probably experienced yourself. After he was removed from my house, there was no need for coping - there was no numbness, or lack of pain, but rather more a lack of emotional memory. I felt no sadness, no fear and no anger. I FELT as if it had never happened in the first place, though I KNEW it did.
Then a month ago he tried to break into my house, and it was like Pandora's box was openned. I have always been an unusually strong person - i am a great coper, talented both at distraction, communication, and simply embracing my feelings - but since this happened a month ago I've listed up countless triggers, I feel sadness, anger toward everyone (except for him, he's just a natural disaster), worthlessness, and I think I'm becoming depressed. I'm incredibly tired all the time, incredibly sad all the time, and tense about what random trigger will come next and how it will make me react. I have no clue why any emotional reaction has come so delayed. But I see myself falling and I don't know what to do about it - I had more control during the actual abuse than I do now. Any advice?
~ash
You are right saying that you stepfather is a natural disaster and it is unfortunate that he tried to break into your house recently. I completely understand having more control during the abuse then now. For me meditation-including guided meditation-has been helpful in dealing with flashbacks and triggers. Journaling and, of course, talking to a trained professional is also helpful. You should continue to allow yourself to feel whatever you can. I know I always don't because at times it's hard to or I let things get in the way of that. But you should always do that. When the memories, etc. started to come for me. It seemed like I had to slow myself down and allow myself to deal with the memories, the feelings, etc. It's good your have friends to rely on. You should continue to use them as a support system. I hope this helps.
I had a similar situation, except, my parents are still together. Because the occupation of my abusive father, though, there were years he was not there because of his travelling. I understand the numbness, though, because I still have to talk to my father. No one in my family seems to really deal with the issue very much and I go along with trying to keep up appearances which I guess is bad. But it is easier than trying to distance myself from them completely since I still am rather close to other family members, just not him.
