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Numb sad lonely

Posted by tamjohn70 , 11 October 2013 · 174 views

I am starting to feel numb on the inside. For a while I have been up and down. On my medication and the off. Right now I am off. The feeling is weird, I want to cry (won't), I want to scream (cant), I want to talk (noone to talk to).

Feeling of being lonley. At some point I started to move through the day with no thought of anything. Stuff is getting done. I am at work, going to school, supporting my daughter, and family. But I feel like am wathcing myself go through.

I am ready to talk, I watnt to verbalize what is really in my head and hurt. Be uncensored. I have never really stated my whole truths, only written them. This weekend I am going to go back to some past writings when I was journalizing things.

Laughing and joking with people everyday, if they really noticed they would see I am actually dying on the inside. I want to speak, tired of living for others.

Blogging here is a good way to be heard. Many here are listening and willing to help and be here for you.

I have to say you indeed have a full plate and that alone will cause stress. Add being a survivor and the stress level goes even higher. Going numb is a coping tactic that many surivors use and it does feel like dying inside.

It is your time to speak. Take good care of you.
Great Green Monkies! I know how you feel! Speak! :-)

Great Green Monkies! I know how you feel! Speak! :-)

The person I want to speak with and express to her what happened to me is my mother. I spent the majority of my life protecting my grandparents (deceased), my kids (18 and 20), and of course my mother. It was her brother that started this train wreck. Just tired of protecting and I need to figure out how to express myself.

I got an idea of writing my stories in parts and posting them anonymously to under my twitter account. Not sure about that though. Feel the need to speak and to also help others. But I know I need to focus on healing before I try to help others.

August 2015

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