When did we grow up?
Here recently though I have been having a new thought. Not only did those of us that suffered child SA have to grow up fast and have the childhood we should have had stolen from us...Has anyone else realized that the years are still seemingly being stolen from us?
Now I am not having a particularly rough time in healing right now or anything, I have just been thinking and reflecting on the past. My last assault was as a child and was 14 years ago. I know what technically happened to those 14 years. I can list off where I lived for them, what I was doing, what I was doing for work and who I associated with....I have total recall on them but...I am going to turn 30 years old next year and I am not sure where the last 14 years went.
I have made great progress in those years and recovered beyond what even I thought was possible. In fact, the woman I am today would not recognize the girl I was even 6 years ago. But where did the years go?
It has led me to a conclusion....
I think when you are a victim of SA, childhood or otherwise, it is not only the childhood or the adult years the person steals from you. Your life is stolen. We, as survivors, have to work so hard at "normalizing" and fitting our coping strategies into "normal" everyday life that it can steal years from us even after the assaults have stopped. This is a life long mission for us to heal and it is not just the "little" us that needs attention and healing. We will need to be ever-vigilant to be able to hold onto the healing we have already accomplished and try to gain more of it.
Just a thought that occurred to me a few minutes ago and wanted to share it. Feel free to add any thoughts that come your way.