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Because he has been my only friend for the past year and a half.
I don't know if it hurts because I will now be truly alone, except for my mother, or if it's because I will actually miss him. He's a great guy, and tries hard in his life. He is doing excellent in his career and seems to be going on a successful path.
His communication style consists of 50% guilt trips, which he calls "his joking style."
A tiny example: I miss his call, he texts me a crying face. (Every time, regardless of me bringing up that I was bothered by it.)
A bigger example: I break up with him and he tells me he will be moving back to Mexico soon, since he has no other reason to stay here anymore.
It's not like I had no friends before that. I slowly drifted away from them, either because they were "not driven/focused enough, therefore useless to me" (his words) or because I simply had no time to keep up the relationships, or nothing to talk to them about anymore.
I find myself confused, wondering if I am doing the right thing.
He has been very motivating during our conversations. He has shown me that literally anyone can do anything they want, be anything they want to be. I suppose this is true for him.
He also sat with me through my disclosure of what happened. When I felt the worst. He told me I wasn't a bad person because of what happened to me. He was the first person I heard say this. It really hit me then.
I just have this loving feeling towards him that I can't shake off. I worry and feel sorry for him. I know he has been through a lot, his parents probably emotionally abused him as well. He said he has a memory of his dad beating him on the head with a stick, really hard. He's only brought it up once.
He also has evident, terrible memory which gets in the way of a lot of his daily activities. It is a problem.
On the other hand, I don't know if hanging on through things like this is what couples are supposed to do. Work problems out. Find a way to fix these issues. AM I THROWING THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATHWATER?!
So. Much. Confusion.
I just want to be okay. :tear:/>