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Posted by bellachai , 03 April 2013 · 157 views

Having purposes is the reason for staying alive. Before my meltdown and my health failing I had many purposes to living my life.

I know that control is an illusion. One cannot MAKE anyone do anything unless blackmail is a factor especially emotional blackmail. That is game I never played but I did control myself in all things.

I know there is no such thing as perfection but my purposes were to be the best daughter, the best girlfriend, the best wife, the best mother, the best employee, the best at keeping my home neat and clean, the best person I could be.

I followed the rules of life, obeyed laws whether I agreed with them or not cuz that is how I could attain being the best of everything. I treated others like I would want to be treated.

My health failed me. Now all the purposes of my life are gone just like my dreams were shattered.

I don't see any purpose for me anymore. I am a burden to my family. All my friends faded out of my life. My children are grown. I am not a wife anymore and I will never have a boyfriend. Prince charming is not coming for me. I cannot work anymore. I cannot keep my home and yard as clean as I would like it to be like it use to be.

I have nothing therefore I must be nothing.

Blessings to all

I'm so sorry you are feeling so low. :hug:

I really relate to what you say, although I know my story is different.

There is one thing that you have and that is yourself. The purpose that matters most is that you are the best at being YOU. Everything else follows from that. But things have got in the way of you being you so this is still a journey you are on but you are getting there.

I see you in the compassion you show to others.

Susanna makes a lot of sense. You can find the spark in yourself again, something different now, that you haven't imagined yet.
Apr 04 2013 06:42 PM
I don't think having nothing means being nothing.... You are still something. I hope that you are able to find something to convince you of that, and to find things to go on for besides.
i only just saw this sorry. and i relate...but....you have a big purpose in my life bella. i need your light shining and your friendship and love.

they're not the same as the official purposes we used to define ourselves by.... but it's a purpose nonetheless.

i need you in my life. you are FAR from nothing. we'll get there together....


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