thoughts to my ex.
I think maybe, just the slightest little bit, my mind is beginning to let me really see you for what you are, and actually believe it. This will take me a long time i know that, but now i've had a glimpse at the truth at least i know what direction im heading in.
Theres days where i begin to feel things towards you, it terrifies as well as excites me. The numbness had become like a safety net i suppose. These feelings scare me, but also they show me im capable.
Capable of feeling what i "should" feel towards you. Instead of excusing and protecting and defending.
Capable of healing, most importantly. It shows me im moving forward. Even if its a tiny step and i take 5 more back, i know that its possible now.
And one day those steps are going to add up, til i can begin to lose sight of you.
You won't win.
I just need to find the fight in me.