time to say goodbye. on letting go. about a friend. really didn't/don't want to do this. from: Sept. 25.
So a few minutes ago I phoned a good friend and left a voicemail telling him I think it's better if we don't call each other. I explained why, stating that I don't think talking to him is productive or helpful and that I needed to do this for me, for my recovery. from various things.
He'll understand. it'll be hard and weird for awhile. I'm so used to phoning him whenever I'm not in a good place. which I think is the very problem. I've become dependent on that/him. it's not that I don't, want to talk with him. No I do which is the very reason I'm doing this. To, er, save us, as it were. I also wished him luck and said 'until next time'.
He's a lovely person. I'm 70% ready for this. I'm scared but ready. and also slightly depressed since having left the voicemail.
I don't *want* to do this but need to. I've been in this situation before it's just been years since.
I've needed to do this since May but I wasn't at a point then where I was fully ready to. not that I am *now* but I'm *more* ready to.
- yeah it feels like my heart's breaking and maybe that's because it is a little. The last time this happened was back in Feb. and it took me like, a month to be able to function better. [that was the breakup]. [although in March, a month and a few days after the breakup, another big thing happened.......and in May. so there wasn't that much time].
I've gone without talking to him for a month. my friend I mean. So it's not like I can't. And I don't think anyone *wants* to do something like this. You know, it's not like we wake up and go 'so here's what I want to do today: leave a voicemail for a good friend telling him....'. no. If I had my way.... well, actually, I did [as usual] but I chose not what I wanted but what I needed. and sometimes they're the same thing