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I've begun to fear you more than i did, a delayed reaction pehaps?
I think maybe, just the slightest little bit, my mind is beginning to let me really see you for what you are, and actually believe it. This will take me a long time i know that, but now i've had a glimpse at the truth at least i know what direction im heading in.
Theres days where i begin to feel things towards you, it terrifies as well as excites me. The numbness had become like a safety net i suppose. These feelings scare me, but also they show me im capable.
Capable of feeling what i "should" feel towards you. Instead of excusing and protecting and defending.
Capable of healing, most importantly. It shows me im moving forward. Even if its a tiny step and i take 5 more back, i know that its possible now.
And one day those steps are going to add up, til i can begin to lose sight of you.
You won't win.
I just need to find the fight in me.
I think maybe, just the slightest little bit, my mind is beginning to let me really see you for what you are, and actually believe it. This will take me a long time i know that, but now i've had a glimpse at the truth at least i know what direction im heading in.
Theres days where i begin to feel things towards you, it terrifies as well as excites me. The numbness had become like a safety net i suppose. These feelings scare me, but also they show me im capable.
Capable of feeling what i "should" feel towards you. Instead of excusing and protecting and defending.
Capable of healing, most importantly. It shows me im moving forward. Even if its a tiny step and i take 5 more back, i know that its possible now.
And one day those steps are going to add up, til i can begin to lose sight of you.
You won't win.
I just need to find the fight in me.
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2 Comments On This Entry
I can see the fight in you, your strength shows. Let the steps add up and never quit moving forward (:
Nessie3,
05 December 2012 - 10:58 AM
i think i'm kind of in the same position you are. i have days where i go back and forth in my mind- between getting mad and upset over what they did to me, but also having days where i feel sad that i'm no longer talking to them. i know it'll take time, but just like you said, it's progress and we're showing ourselves that we CAN overcome this. (:
kjw9311,
05 December 2012 - 01:51 PM
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