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I can't believe she said that...

Posted by DoAnYa323 , 28 October 2010 · 13 views

This is long I'm sorry, and this just happened.

I thought my mom and I were getting closer. She's trying her best to understand what I'm going through even though I didn't give her any details, but today all I asked for was help on a big load of homework I had and it turned into a "life goes on" spiel about what happened to me...

I haven't been able to even remotely focus on school and so a lot of things have been piling up. I told her school is not at the top of the list because of what happened to me and the little things that have been happening to me and the family throughout the year. She says that she'll help me but she wont tell me not to do it if that was what I was expecting. I told her no but I have been considering taking a break (I have been all year)to work on my well being. She says we can afford it and I need to stop thinking selfishly about it and look at the big picture.

I try my best to tell her I've considered the financial burden I am (after she explained the loan situation) and that I need to focus on myself for coping reasons. She said "What are you going to do, sit all day, do nothing and waste away?" I told her no, that's not what I do, or try to do. I forgot the exact words but she had said that I need to stop dwelling and using what happened as an excuse not to do something (I know she didn't mean that though).

After all that, the conversation gets to the point where she says, "well I haven't been through what you've been through, but I've experienced traumatic things to but I just move past it. Things happen in life, what about the next traumatic thing that happens to you?". I just shut up at that point. I understand life goes on and I'm trying but... i just don't know *sigh*. She then agreed to help me do homework...

I'm so tired of having to defend myself or hear these things. I know, and told my mom, that she doesn't know everything about the rape at all or how my emotions have been going crazy. The constant flash backs at random, especially during school. I mean, for God sakes, I got so depressed earlier in the year that I contemplated ending it (I HATE myself for that). I can't even bring myself to tell her that I have been prescribed Xanax (and I wont).

I'm so so sorry for ranting and for anyone that reads or replies to this thank you. I don't really know how something so small and simple gets turned into something bigger and gets out of hand when I talk to my mom. I don't want to paint her as the bad guy because she's my mom. Sure we have our disagreements and with my situation, she doesn't really know what to do or how to be there for me but she has been trying her best. But, I mean, just to hear those words come out of my mom's mouth just makes my heart drop. :( Now I really feel like I don't have anyone...



Hi,

I'm so sorry that you're not getting what you need from your mom. I believe that no one can tell you how quickly you need to recover from anything, especially such a terrible violation. And no one responds exactly the same way to being violated in such an overwhelming way. Hopefully, you will recover in time and be able to move forward. But, I think it is most important that you get help for you and find someone who can see your heart and your pain. Maybe your mom just can't deal with what happened to you. Maybe it hurts too much so she has to cope by convincing herself that this is just 'something' that happened to you - a bump in the road that you can just get over. But, she hasn't abandoned you and it sounds like she wants to help but simply cannot. I hope you find some help.

Take care,
bj
She sounds like my mom. My mom seems to feel like if she ever stops pushing me, I'll sit down and never do anything again :glare: Don't know why, I've always been very motivated.
There's nothing wrong with taking time. I wish I had - my grades went way down and now, if I ever go to grad school, I will have to explain why. If I had taken a break, I wouldn't have to explain.
I don't know if this would help - but explaining that taking time to heal and learn coping mechanisms will make you stronger and more resilient, maybe that will help her understand. It's like recovering from an illness or physical injury - push yourself too soon, and you delay recovery.
I'm sorry that you feel alone.
It is just a shame, My dad literally told me it helps him cope if we avoid the subject all together. My best friends... well they try to be helpful but I unfortunately don't talk to them much to avoid things I don't want to hear like what my mom said to me tonight.

Bj_Bear, perhaps you're right about my mom. Everything I tell her is just something that will past or I have to get past just because its life. I feel so terrible though... She keeps saying that she's alright. The beginning of the year when all this happened, I would pretend that everything was alright to make my mom feel good and confident. I would just pretend for everyone around me, but now I've been working on myself more and after what she said I do feel selfish =/

Gem, I do think that my mother, like yours, pushes me because she doesn't want me to lose my drive. Its just something that my family has done through all its hardships over time. My grades are way down and I have this semester to get them back up or I will get kicked out my major.

I will try to talk to her again another day, I am less upset now but I don't want things to get out of hand again.

Thank you so much for the talk and advice you two. I really appreciate it =)

July 2014

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