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It's official. I'm over it. Not that IT. Just the whole package. I'm sick of how it effects me every day of my life. I would like to have just one day when I didn't jump at noises, where I could let my kids snuggle up to me until they wanted to get up instead of me saying enough, where what happened to me didn't resonate through my whole being. I just want one day of being normal.
I know all this is still very new really. I know that healing is a journey. But I really am just sick of it. I am sick of reminding myself that there is no just getting over it, I have to work my way through it. The whole thing is I never know if what I am doing is making even the tiniest bit of difference. I do know I am making progress, I can feel it. But it just isn't enough.
Most of all I am just so damn sick of myself. I am sick of having to remind myself that the world won't end if I don't study for ten hours a day, keep the house perfect and do a thousand things for a hundred people. The only people I have to worry about are me and the kids but sometimes that is even too much. I am sick of the tiny nagging voice that tells me I have to do more, be more. The voice is quieter than it was before but it is still there.
This is totally pointless and I have no idea why I even bothered.
I know all this is still very new really. I know that healing is a journey. But I really am just sick of it. I am sick of reminding myself that there is no just getting over it, I have to work my way through it. The whole thing is I never know if what I am doing is making even the tiniest bit of difference. I do know I am making progress, I can feel it. But it just isn't enough.
Most of all I am just so damn sick of myself. I am sick of having to remind myself that the world won't end if I don't study for ten hours a day, keep the house perfect and do a thousand things for a hundred people. The only people I have to worry about are me and the kids but sometimes that is even too much. I am sick of the tiny nagging voice that tells me I have to do more, be more. The voice is quieter than it was before but it is still there.
This is totally pointless and I have no idea why I even bothered.
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I am sick of it, too. I wish things could be normal, too. Hugs if okay 
rebekkah,
29 August 2010 - 10:18 AM
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About my blog
This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.
Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.
What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.
There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.
Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.
What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.
There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.
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Just sick of it
on Aug 27 2010 04:40 AM
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