Jump to content


my story

Posted by j3t3 , 15 June 2013 · 141 views

:bawling: :bawling:

my brother molested me when i was 12. i remember promising myself i would never foget. i went to my mom's room. i could hear her snoring. i stood in her doorway thinking of what she would say. would she believe me? i couldn't wake her. i wrote a letter in blue crayon. i gave every detail. i put it on the coffee pot for her to find and i sat in my little sisters bed until i heard my dads alarm go off. immediately panic set in. i couldn't do it. i couldn't tell. i ran to the kitchen and stuffed the note in the bottom of the trash.
a year later i started cutting. it grew from a release to an obsession very quickly. i remember a point where i had probably 300 fresh cuts on one leg. it was an addiction. i grew in my depression until my sophomore year when i found vicaden and marijuana. once i was high i was numb. i still cut myself daily but mostly to feel pain. i didn't have the gushing outpour of emotion to make it more violent.
it was around then that i started having very twisted fantasies. i graduated high school and moved away. then i lost my virginity to a middle aged man in a drunken one night stand. once i lost my virginity i gave up cutting and i submerged myself into promescuity. in 3 years i lost count of how many partners i had had. in all my experiences i was a submissive. i catered to his needs and was "punished" if i enjoyed it.
there was a point when i slept with people to get weed. i was chasing the numb.
when reality hit it hit with a vengeance. i was alone in a city i didn't know. i had no money and i was sleeping in my car. and i had done it to myself.
i called my mom. she was broke too. not to mention in another state. she couldn't help.
i realised my choices had led me to that 8 story casino parking garage. i didn't want that life anymore. i wanted out.
i was on the top level looking down thinking about my life. i knew there was no choice. i wouldn't live like this anymore. when i was gaining my courage my mom called me. 300 dollars appeared in her account minutes after we talked. she transferred it to me and brought me home. she got me a job with her. and that's where i met him. the man that changed my life....

Jun 19 2013 05:00 AM
i'm so very sorry for what you've been through :( it is so terrible.
i am happy that you found a way out of it though, by pure chance, perhaps :) but it's great
Jun 19 2013 03:45 PM
mhmm ^.^ (s)he does that. I am happy (s)he helped you.

July 2016


Recent Entries

Recent Comments

  • Photo
    my story
    angel.heart - Jun 19 2013 03:45 PM
  • Photo
    my story
    angel.heart - Jun 19 2013 05:00 AM
  • Photo
    angel.heart - Jun 19 2013 04:55 AM


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.