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Hi everyone. It's been awhile...I honestly don't know where to start. So much has happened. I'm just, kind of going through a really rough time right now...what with Dec 16th not far away...I've just been sad and, well, down lately. I've been fired from 2 jobs, had to leave one job, and currently have two (that I love).
The few friends that I had left after my break up, stopped talking to me. I have no way of making new friends, out of work. Having friends at work is nice though, and having two jobs keeps me busy.
On a rather odd note, I miss him. I stopped seeing him about a month ago (yes, I have been in denial for a very long time and continued hooking up with him). But a few days ago at work I saw him holding hands with another girl, and I felt completely lost. I wish I would have gotten the side everyone else sees, not the hurt, victimized side.
I also kind of miss my ex....he's still with the girl he cheated on me with. I tried apologizing to him about how I handled myself after the breakup, and he even added me back on FB for awhile, but he never wrote me back.
Especially now that I've realized that I am Bi, I am finding it hard to talk to people and find other teenagers that I can talk to this issue about. My entire family is against Gay Rights. I just, I'm trying to figure myself out but it's hard not being able to talk to friends or family about what's going on in my life.
My therapist is still not really helping me. She avoids what happened last year and she's still just trying to get me to love God. I believe but somehow, that's not enough for her. She just tries to fix me in all the areas I'm ok in.
Final thing- I don't feel good. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I just...ok, this seems bad, but I think I might have...something... but I don't have the money to get checked out right now....my stomach always hurts, I'm almost always bleeding, and my body is sore. Hurts to sleep on my back and idk...I'm just emotionally exhausted. I have to try every day not to cry. Literally, all that needs to happen is hearing his name, seeing someone that looks like him, watching something on tv, or hearing a certain song lyric. I'm just...I don't know how to hold on anymore...
That's all for now...yeah...I wouldn't mind talking, or answering questions, from any of you on here that have read this...I just need someone to talk to.
The few friends that I had left after my break up, stopped talking to me. I have no way of making new friends, out of work. Having friends at work is nice though, and having two jobs keeps me busy.
On a rather odd note, I miss him. I stopped seeing him about a month ago (yes, I have been in denial for a very long time and continued hooking up with him). But a few days ago at work I saw him holding hands with another girl, and I felt completely lost. I wish I would have gotten the side everyone else sees, not the hurt, victimized side.
I also kind of miss my ex....he's still with the girl he cheated on me with. I tried apologizing to him about how I handled myself after the breakup, and he even added me back on FB for awhile, but he never wrote me back.
Especially now that I've realized that I am Bi, I am finding it hard to talk to people and find other teenagers that I can talk to this issue about. My entire family is against Gay Rights. I just, I'm trying to figure myself out but it's hard not being able to talk to friends or family about what's going on in my life.
My therapist is still not really helping me. She avoids what happened last year and she's still just trying to get me to love God. I believe but somehow, that's not enough for her. She just tries to fix me in all the areas I'm ok in.
Final thing- I don't feel good. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I just...ok, this seems bad, but I think I might have...something... but I don't have the money to get checked out right now....my stomach always hurts, I'm almost always bleeding, and my body is sore. Hurts to sleep on my back and idk...I'm just emotionally exhausted. I have to try every day not to cry. Literally, all that needs to happen is hearing his name, seeing someone that looks like him, watching something on tv, or hearing a certain song lyric. I'm just...I don't know how to hold on anymore...
That's all for now...yeah...I wouldn't mind talking, or answering questions, from any of you on here that have read this...I just need someone to talk to.
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I can relate to some of what your talking about here. You say on a rather odd note, i don't that it's odd at all i think it's completely normal, i definitely understand the denial and missing someone. Its a hard thing to get your head around.
Im sorry you haven't got the support you should have, in terms of talking to people about your sexuality. It definetely helps to be able to relate to someone, or have them understand.
I realized a few years ago that i was bi too, so as much as i may not help lol, please still feel free to get in touch if ever want someone to talk to.
Take care of yourself