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uggggghhhhhhh 2012

Posted by lostinsideofme , 11 June 2012 · 135 views

I hate this year. So many things have gone on.too many things.

The most recent being that I've abandoned my new found sexuality and returned to an ex. one of the good ones, but yup he's a male. after almost two years of not having a male partner I'm back again and genuinely happy. we took a vacation together. my first ever. we moved in together. i mean he's cornered the market on being there for my firsts. first boyfriend, first kiss, first airplane ride, first vacation, first live-in boyfriend. i think I'm falling in love with him and that scares the shit out of me. and yet i don't want to walk away.

i had an amazingly cathartic conversation with my mom today. my past got brought up and i admitted things to my mom that I've never uttered outloud. i cried like a baby. but it was good. i think she heard me when i said my childhood sucked. i never really felt loved or wanted and it hurts like hell when she gets mad and stops talking too me or forgets me or isn't there for me and i know its not her fault I'm fucked up and she shouldn't have to suffer for my biological parents mistakes it still does hurt. i can't help that when i feel abandoned the adult me disappears and this scared little girl comes out.

then with him. we found out we were pregnant. i ran into my head and it went immediately to Naija. i got scared. i didn't want him to leave me. and i didn't want the decision about what to do to be his. so i went behind his back and terminated. i couldn't hold it in so i told him. he decided to go out for boys night and not come home all night. then left again shortly after coming home. needless to say emotions are running rampant inside of me and I'm still therapy and medication free. i must be healing because i think the old me would be standing on a ledge.

living life



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MaybeJoleisa
Jun 11 2012 09:49 AM
If you are happy, and it sounds like you genuinely are, that's what counts.... Don't think of it as "abandoning" anything, you're just finding new parts of yourself and your life. Happy for you that you have found someone special who you are falling in love with (again). :)

Guide to my world

I put up a general *TRIGGER WARNING* for all those who read. This is me being as real as I can get, trying not to hold back. Working through memories and life's challenges in the aftermath.

Contents:
Randomness tends to have the most content, but I warn you, it gets pretty random.

When I find more courage, My stories, will have more content. For now walk with my through my therapeutic adventures and rants.

School sucks, but at least its finally over.

Emotions, Memories are full of raw emotion.

Recently I've been Exploring My Sexuality

Welcome to my world.~lost~

What I'm Pondering

How do you overcome something that has been ingrained in you? Is it possible, or is it like fighting against your genes?

How on earth do turkeys get their fat asses in the air?

If I evolved from a primate, how come I've forgotten how to climb a tree?

Who can fry an egg on a sidewalk? I can barely fry an egg in a pan.

May 2015

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