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Shame is destroying me...........

Posted by angelsun , 10 October 2013 · 231 views

Here I am again, wallowing in my misery. No hope in sight, no ray of light, no sign of this lifting. I'm driving myself crazy. I need someone to see me, see my pain, show me the way out of this dark lonely hole. How can they help when I can't find the words to express what is happening to me. I can't speak, I can't ask for the help. How do they not see. I want to reach out to my old t so desperately but feel ashamed. I am afraid if I go all out with this I won't make it thru the aftermath. It is excruciating to feel that. Can it really be worse than it feels now. That is what prevents me, the fear, the unknown. All aspects of my life are in a disaster. How do I change it, how do I move past it. I feel that nobody cares. No one has ever cared. I was always ok with it, I could always handle it. Now I can't seem to handle anything and now I need someone to care and there is no one there. Shame is terrible, shame is so weakening, shame is unbearable to get past. This is destroying me. How did I end up here........

I hear you and know how you feel. Not much else I can say. Sorry you feel this way too.
Oct 10 2013 03:55 PM
I just got some great insight that will help my healing and others. There is one component that I do not hear a lot about as far as healing and it is called self-contempt. The is self-directed anger at ones self. This self contempt takes the form of SI, Eating Disorders, hating or disliking ones body, Being hard or critical of ones self or being ones own worst enemy and self esteem issues etc... Self-contempt deadens shame and longing and makes the person feel in control and not powerless. The counterfeit for conviction over sin is contempt. The answer is to fall on the grace of God.
Instead of dealing with shame and sorrow/sadness regarding the sexual pleasure, rage is directed at ones own self to feel in control. Self contempt examples, I hate myself, I am such a whore, I am so stupid etc.
The first step is awareness of the self contempt. The SA book and workbook that mentions this is called The Wounded Heart: Hope for victims of childhood sexual abuse By Dr Dan B. Allender)))))))))))))

Laurenbacall, thank you, I appreciate it.  

Thank you laurenbacall - I really needed to hear that right now. Sooooo helpful.

I'm here.  I see you.  I'll stumble around with you in the dark until we find the exit.  I care - a great deal.  And so do many others.  I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. I see a strong, beautiful selfless woman who is blind to her own beauty, while recognizing the beauty of every damaged and hopeless person she meets.

July 2016

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