Every session, she asks me what's on the agenda. Sometimes it's the homework she's given me. Sometimes, it's how I'm feeling or doing. Or not doing.
She basically wants me to have some control over my therapy.
So, today I brought up my homework from last week. And then, toward the end of my session, she asked how I am doing safety wise.
She knows I"ve been feeling suicidal lately, so she asks if I'm having suicidal thoughts or feelings, or if I have a plan to do anything.
Well, today, she asked all of that toward the end of my session. I basically alluded to having suicidal thoughts, and then when asked, basically laid out a plan that I've had before and had shelved, but have brought back out into the open of my mind, thoughts, and feelings.
She wasn't really happy to hear all of that at the end of my session. She seemed dismayed that I hadn't brought it up when we first started.
But crap, I didn't want to spend the whole session the way I've been spending them lately. Crying, showing my depression, spending the whole hour talking about that which is not going away.
But I guess if that's what she wants, then if that's how I'm feeling next week, that's what we'll talk about.