As if I'm not dealing with enough. My partner I haven't seen in days (schedule conflicts). And he woke me up for sex this morning. I'd only been asleep maybe 2 hours before he woke me. He knows I don't sleep real good. I didn't fucking care. I just laid there and let him do what he wanted. He asked permission. I gave it. I didn't care. I told you. He's not my rapist just want that abundantly and crystal clear. I just really suck. And even worse after he helped me up so I could clean myself up. That's what I do as default if I wanted to lay there with a squishy feeling in my ass that's my prerogative. He was being wow I can't think of the word. He was helping me out. But in doing so he hugged me. I do NOT want to be hugged. I told you I'm a slut. I don't want cuddles, hugs, caresses. But sex is perfectly okay. So I tolerated that as long as I could and then brushed him off. I came back and just laid down. He did something he doesn't normally do. He cuddled up to me and asked me if I was ok. I told him I was cold and tired. He put blankets on me. Rubbed me to get me warm while my mind is screaming get the fuck off of me! Finally he did.He left for work. He called later I had no interest in doing our cutsey little hanging routine. So he knows I'm upset. He just doesn't understand why. He called to see if I was going to pick up his kid from school. Like I've never done that. I could be blizted to shit and I'll find a way that boy gets home safe from school. Not my first rodeo. In fact I had dropped off hours after being raped without anyone knowing a fucking thing.
In short I'm an asshole.