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Lately too, I find myself "relieved" and "smiling" when I hear others, friends and strangers, also having breakdowns. It is not that I find this funny but I guess I start to think that I am not normal by stressing this much and seeing or hearing others admitting to feeling the same too, is relieving. Do not know if that makes sense.
Also, I am 20 years old and I notice as I keep getting older, I feel like a failure or like I am never doing enough. Also, I am just wondering how to not get this "way?" I guess not letting others, who purposely abuse and overall put others down, get the best of me-including myself.
Also, I do feel unhappy a lot living with my mom, who I do love dearly but sometimes just cannot stand here because it is seriously the elephant in the room whenever those two get brought up or around. I am just too tired to argue and can see what type of "response" I will get so I tell myself that one cannot force others to see the truth.
Also, this is kind of stupid, but I do feel out of place when it comes to dating. I only had one "date" which was going to the movies when I was 18 with a high school boy, who I graduated with the same year and he was in my science class. I only went because I guess I wanted to feel "normal" or something; but I do not like him "like that" just a friend. I have noticed too lately that it seems as though that I am almost "looking" for "Mr. Right." Of course though, I feel like I have "high standards" but discussing this with two friends, they told me that I do not.
I guess what I want to say is that I do feel embarrassed because I have not even really kiss someone or had sex with anyone (but the obvious or course). I understand a bit now that this is because growing up, I was dealing with my father's drinking abuse and brother's abuse as well (sexually stopped when I was around 14). Also, I just want to see that there are good, kindhearted and people who do care about others. I just feel like I have "bad luck" with guys, even the ones from high school only seemed to like me because they wanted to hook up or whatever and I never wanted to.
Now that I think about it: I almost had a "hook up" with a high school friend, the summer after we graduated. Long story short, he was hitting on to me and this made me uncomfortable since he was doing this in front of two friends. I "forced" myself to try to hook up, which was not sex or kissing, to prove to that I am not scared or whatever. I just seem to fall for the wrong guys: taken, flirts, players, out of my league, etc.
I guess I could just use some advice, especially to tell a part what kind of guys to stay away with (obviously addicts and guys like my dad and brother).
Thank you if anyone read this. Just always wanted to ask, especially how a significant other's (boyfriend/girlfriend) reaction was when you told them about being sexually abused.