So I've been reflecting for the last couple of days….and have decided that yes, I want to talk directly about the abuse with my therapist. I do need to revisit the trauma. When I made that decision, I felt better. Like I've been fighting and fighting for months and getting pulled deeper into a black pit. And all my efforts to return to my life are just not working. So I just surrendered--said that okay, I was going to let the memories come up again. Some part of me needs to be heard and I will suffer enormously until I let it speak.
As soon as I felt that surrender, I felt better. I have that sense of being young--of being nine, the age when the abuse occurred. I don't really know exactly what she went through, because I don't remember most of the abuse. But clearly she has more to say.